We celebrated three years of marriage (and almost exactly 4.5 years together which seems crazy when I think about because WHO MARRIES SOMEONE THEY’VE KNOWN FOR 18 MONTHS? Oh, I guess I do. And so does Ed so at least we’re both out of our minds) last week. Ed was sent to las Vegas for work at the last minute, and was sad to discover he would have to fly out the morning of our actual anniversary (October 1st), until his boss told him that he would be done early Thursday and could take the rest of the week off. Rather than fly home, he had me fly out to meet him for a weekend away, alone, with zero plans or obligations or other people’s schedules to consider. It was, as you can imagine, bliss. Exactly what we needed.
I’ve been meditating on marriage lately (maybe due to it being wedding season?) and, more specifically, our relationship and what it means. Everyone told us that the first year would be the hardest, and while it was full of a lot of changes and transition and new compromises and shifting expectations, it didn’t/doesn’t strike me as particularlydifficult. I liken it to the first few weeks at a new job you really like: you’re not really sure what you’re doing but you’re having a good time figuring it out. But this year has been rough. We’ve been tested and stretched and scared and pulled. Multiple parental health issues on both side. This whole fucking situation. A lot of questions without the answers we were expecting. Postponing and sacrificing and praying. Some, I’m ashamed to say, neglect of each other as we try to keep being the perfect children, siblings, and friends we think we are expected to be. No permanent damage, but it’s not something either one of us wants to become a habit.
So while I would say this year has been more challenging than the first in many ways – the stakes feel higher, if that makes sense - one thing I’ve noticed is that our communication and ability to catch ourselves and say, “Whoa, we need to figure this out” has improved. We’re a team and grateful for each other more than we’re annoyed (at least I hope that’s the case for Ed, too), we help each other more than we (unintentionally) hurt each other. And, despite my grim declaration that this year has sucked, it’s actually more and more fun. Maybe because once you’ve been through some rough times you appreciate the good more than before? I’m not questioning it.
Happy Anniversary, Love. You are everything I could have wished for and more.