Just Add This to My Resume Under "Special Skills"

My mom is a difficult woman to fluster, but I manage to embarrass her in public on an almost daily basis. Hey, if the song “My Life” by Billy Joel is playing on the speakers at Safeway, I am singing along. And maybe choreographing a little dance if you act like you don’t know me. You’ve been warned.

Today we went to lunch together at the cafeteria here on campus. At the grill they have little order sheets where you mark what you want and you can add your name to the top. So of course I had to put “Sharona” at the top because God forbid I just let it go and behave like an adult. My mother actually walked away from me until they called my order. They didn’t even use my pseudonym, just yelled out “grilled and ham and cheese” and I felt like the last five minutes of my life was wasted.

It gets better. Our conversation as we walked out together:

Mom (noticing the lid on my soda was loose): “Your lid is on loose.”
Me: “OH YEAH? WELL, YOUR LID IS ON LOOSE!” (hysterical laughter)
Mom: “That was too easy. My God, you are ridiculous.”
Me: “I’m alone in the conference room! I don’t get to talk to people a lot!”
Mom: “I’ll remember that next time I entertain a lunch invitation from you.”

Christen Kaaihue DeFazio: Reassuring Mom that One Kid Is Plenty of Work Since 1978

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