You Probably Think This Post is About You

A good friend turned me on to a great podcast from “This American Life” regarding break-ups. The first act was all about break-up songs and was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard in spite of its subject matter. I’ve been wanting to put together a Broken Hearts Greatest Hits for a long time now. You know, for wedding gifts and such. Anyway, the podcast and my entire summer made me think about some of my favorites and why I enjoy them. They all have different purposes and satisfy various needs through the healing process. Because I know you care, I’m going to tell you all about it.

Have something you’d like to share with the class? The comment section is all yours, Baby.

“Against All Odds”: Ah, Phil Collins…when asked if he enjoys his music, Jack Donaghy of 30 Rock replied, “I have two ears and a heart, don’t I?” True that, Jack. Anyway, this is possibly one of the most cheesetastic songs ever. If you have a chance, check out the video on YouTube. It was the theme to a film by the same name starring Jeff Bridges and James Woods. Jeff Bridges was smokin’ hot back in 1984. For reals. Who knew The Dude had it goin’ on? Without a doubt, this one is of the weepy, sappy variety. Listen to it in the dark while drinking wine from the box.

“Goodbye to You”: I know I’ve mentioned this one before, but it’s a good break-up song because it conveys the mixed emotions of a failed relationship, but it’s upbeat so you can dance through the pain. Maybe that’s just me.

“It’s a Heartache”: If pressed to name a Bonnie Tyler song that best conveys love problems, most people will pick “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” A classic, I admit. But this one is entirely underrated. Check it out. Strikes a nice balance between the setimentality of Mr. Collins and the bouncy pop sound of Scandal.

“Knowing Me, Knowing You”: Did you think I wouldn’t mention ABBA at some point? Please. It’s all breathy and dramatic and they’re Swedish. Great stuff.

“I Will Survive”: No disrespect to Cake, but I am quite loyal to the Gloria Gaynor original. I like to think of this as an anthem of Woman Power and that means a woman sings it. Obviously this must be blared and sung along to if you have been wronged by the one you loved. Feel free to choreograph a little dance routine if that gets you through the day.

“You Oughtta Know”: Really Alanis? We’re THAT flipped out over Joey from Full House? Well, damn. I met Dave Coulier at a celebrity hockey game years ago and got his autograph. Kinda wish I had gotten more out of him, if you know what I mean, dude.* Clearly there’s a lesson to be learned: don’t underestimate the mullet, ladies.

“Return of the Mack”: Do not make fun of this one. Boy Chris can attest that this song and some Coors Light take the sting out of a cold hard dis. Perfect for when you want to party through the pain. Be sure to wear your baseball cap backwards for maximum jackassery.

“All By Myself”: Yeah, when I was young I never needed anyone either, Eric Carmen. It’s a different world now and you get it. Good for you, man. Good for you.

“These Boots are Made for Walkin'”: Found out your man did you wrong? Going to karaoke night with the girls? This is your song.

“Love Hurts”: Well, no shit it does.

“I Want to Know What Love Is”: And who doesn’t?

“You’re So Vain”: I’m not sure who Carly Simon is singing about, but it could be any number of my exes. And probably yours too.

*I am talking about sex.

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