We Need a Hero

Have you met D? I met D on Sunday and he is my new hero. He is basically the male version of my friend Katie, which is probably why they get along so well. The backseat of his huge truck (which makes my truck feel really wimpy) is filled with implants and hip replacement parts, which is kind of awesome. He is possibly the whitest guy ever and knows all the words to TI’s “Whatever You Like” which makes for a fun drive downtown.

D started talking about some of his lady friends and this strapping young 26 year-old dropped that one of them is 40. I must have shot Katie a surprised look because she said, “This one’s all about the Cougars.”

On his (actually 42 year-old) lady:
“I love going over to her house. It’s like being at your parents’ house: it’s really nice and smells good. I’m like her kid. I go through her pantry and shit.”

That had me horrified for about a second, and then I couldn’t stop laughing. I mean, it’s pretty funny and I’m fairly certain that this grown woman who owns her (nice-smelling) home isn’t really in this for the sparkling conversation. Good for her. She gets a hot young piece, he gets to raid her pantry. Seems like a win-win to me. Come to think of it, maybe this Cougar is my new hero.

The other great part about hanging out with D is watching him deal with running into a woman he hooked up with – several times – and failed to call. I’m not thrilled he did that, but considering this woman falls for his, “Sure, I’ll call you” line repeatedly I have little sympathy for her. Plus, it’s great entertainment to see a guy get thrown under the bus and nearly die from the sheer AWKWARDNESS that hangs in the air after she says, “Maybe you keep running into me as some sort of karmic fate. Maybe this is a sign that YOU SHOULD CALL ME.” The other great part of this exchange? She’s saying all of this as she’s handing her kid quarters to play PacMan.

D and I need to hang out more.


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