We have company coming in soon and I am giddy with anticipation. And to be honest, nervous and spazzy. I consider myself to be a decent hostess, but instead of the usual concerns like “Have favorite wine and snacks on hand” or “Make sure fancy guest towels are clean and ready” I have started freaking out over all of the UNCOVERED ELECTRICAL OUTLETS around the house. What if she starts crawling on Friday, licks her finger and shoves it in a socket? And where will she sleep? A crib? Mm, not something our family just has lying around at the moment. And what if that’s not just allergies and my mom has the bubonic plague and will pass it on to an innocent baby? I don’t care how well-stocked the fridge is, getting someone’s infant sick gets you on the shit list really fast. We’re not doing our usual bar tour of downtown, so I need to make sure this place has all the necessary provisions. Trader Joe’s, here I come.
So, my list looks more like this:
-Construct some sort of comfortable, safe place for the baby to sleep
-Make sure every surface has been fully sanitized so as not to compromise baby’s immune system.
-Maybe we should all wear those asbestos suits so as not to get any germs on her? Yes, buy those suits.
-Threaten all pets with bodily harm if they so much as consider coughing up a hairball near the kid.
-Have wine on hand for Mommy-Auntie happy hour. And cheese. And bread, oh God, don’t forget the bread. And olives…
-Seriously, has everyone washed their hands? NO TOUCHING THE BABY UNTIL YOU HAVE WASHED YOUR HANDS!
Don’t ask me why I’m being such a freakshow over this. It’s not like I am uncomfortable around babies. I have tons of babysitting experience and about 500 cousins. Oh, and there’s the matter of helping out with Evan when he was an infant. I know their needs are very basic at this age, and if we need to make a run to Target or Raley’s for supplies, we will. Serenity Now!