Why My Duties During the Holidays are Generally Relegated to Bartender

Alternate Title: I Set the Bar Nice and Low So Evan Will Easily Be Declared “Favorite Child”


Days until Dad, Judy and Evan arrive for Easter weekend: 1


Minutes spent preparing for said visit: 0


Festive Easter decorations and accoutrements acquired for Evan: 0


Reservations made for Easter brunch: You’re fucking joking, right?


Minutes spent thinking about Mark Harmon and/or dancing with Kevin Bacon: Lost count somewhere around a jabillion


Really, I am an adult with a job and a background in event planning and yet the idea of my parents and brother arriving for Easter sends me into total freak the fuck out mode and I find myself wandering the aisles of Target in a state of PANIC because I can’t find the Right Candy.  (It also causes me to write really long sentences, apparently.)  I feel like a basket with a stuffed animal, some candy and eggs hidden around the yard should be enough.  Is it?  Am I missing some key component to the holiday?  Aside from reflecting on Jesus dying for the sins of mankind.  I’ve got that one under control.  Should I get some mini-quiches? 


Part of the reason for the freak out is the shitty weather.  Roughly 99% of the activities I had planned for the entire trip revolved around being comfortable outdoors and I am not doing well with the contingency planning.  Sissy may be packing a flask and hauling the gang to Chuck E Cheese.  Hold me.


Send help.  And vodka.


2 thoughts on “Why My Duties During the Holidays are Generally Relegated to Bartender

  1. You just made my morning. I had the past two nights off to do work around my house and of course nothing got done. As I read your freak out note I catch myself looking up the recipe for white chocolate macadamia nut cookies, just in case the weather gets good and my man can come up- I assumed it would not happen and what would I do if I didn’t have something nice and fun for Easter. Yeah it was a great wake-up call this morning to see how messy my room and house was and it’s already Thur. O and I have a friend, Sonya and her bf staying at my casa Sat night. O fuck me now……………….sure panic too.


  2. Don’t forget, “time spent freaking out instead of planing: 1hr 34min 12 sec”

    I am working my way up to your actually post about Easter but now the suspense is killing me.

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