File Under: Damn, This Sucks

I have no idea what happened to me, but my neck and upper back are hurting something fierce.  I can’t turn my head, which is something I have taken for granted until a few hours ago.  I know that as a self-proclaimed hypochondriac you have no responsibility to take me seriously, but I can assure you that this is not a false alarm.  I cried while putting on shoes, brushing my teeth was torture and I thought about calling my mom or Ed to come over and help me put on my shirt.  I managed to get it done like a big girl but I may be wearing this outfit for the next few days.

Breathing hurts.  While the other things are uncomfortable and inconvenient, I have to say that the Painful Breathing is the most concerning.  Breathing isn’t supposed to hurt, right?

There’s never a good time, but pretty much everything on my to do list for the next few days requires me to move my arms and be conscious when all I want to do is slip into a Vicodin-induced slumber.  Among them:

  • Go grocery shopping
  • Clean house in preparation for Dad, Judy and Bubba’s arrival*
  • Bake two dozen cupcakes (one for the peeps at my volunteer gig, one for the fam)
  • Go to volunteer gig, which means standing or walking for two hours
  • Take Bubba to Chuck E Cheese
  • Be a fucntioning member of my family and society (ie be awake and alert and able to move without shrieking)

 So, yeah.  Good times over here.  The temptation to self-medicate with pills and/or booze is growing harder to resist.  It’ll be like my very own E! True Hollywood Story over here!  In al seriousness, I cannot for the life of me remember if I’m supposed to apply heat or cold.  Any suggestions?

*As of press time it is unclear if they are actually going to make it up here as my dad has lagged in been unsuccessful in finding suitable lodging, nor has he decided if they are coming up on Friday or Saturday.

EDITED TO ADD: I managed to score a Vicodin off of my mom’s supply, and have called every acupuncturist in town only to discover they are  a.) on vacation, b.) booked solid or c.) will return my call.  Dave may be bringing me some Taco Bell and I can kind of feel myself slipping into a little haze.


2 thoughts on “File Under: Damn, This Sucks

  1. I had a similar issue a few weeks ago. Only the pain was in my chest. Breathing, coughing, sneezing, moving, lying down, or anything involving moving my torso was unbelieveably painful. Of course, without my go-to MD around anymore I turned to and self diagnosed myself with a possible pulminary embolisom. It became so painful, and my breathing was so shallow (and scary, being in the chest) that I went to the actual ER, which was a first for me. After all sorts of tests and exposure to different types of radiation they came up with: “we don’t know what’s wrong, so go home.” Nice, huh? Well, at least it was not PE or heart attack, or anything else. Oh and btw, they told me that my blood work showed that I was not pregant. THANKS! So, I started taking some ibuprofin and by the time I went to my regular doctor the next day I was feeling much better. She explained that she thought I had pulled a rib muscle. Of course, my response was somethign like: I’ve pulled plenty of muscles beofre and never fet this kind of pain. But then again, I had not hurt a rib muscle. Sure enough, a few days of high dosages of ibuprofin for the swelling and the pain is gone. Who knew!?! A friend thought it was costochondritis, but it is much better now, so I really don’t care what it was… I hope you are feeling better so you can enjoy your birthday!

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