I have no idea what happened to me, but my neck and upper back are hurting something fierce. I can’t turn my head, which is something I have taken for granted until a few hours ago. I know that as a self-proclaimed hypochondriac you have no responsibility to take me seriously, but I can assure you that this is not a false alarm. I cried while putting on shoes, brushing my teeth was torture and I thought about calling my mom or Ed to come over and help me put on my shirt. I managed to get it done like a big girl but I may be wearing this outfit for the next few days.
Breathing hurts. While the other things are uncomfortable and inconvenient, I have to say that the Painful Breathing is the most concerning. Breathing isn’t supposed to hurt, right?
There’s never a good time, but pretty much everything on my to do list for the next few days requires me to move my arms and be conscious when all I want to do is slip into a Vicodin-induced slumber. Among them:
- Go grocery shopping
- Clean house in preparation for Dad, Judy and Bubba’s arrival*
- Bake two dozen cupcakes (one for the peeps at my volunteer gig, one for the fam)
- Go to volunteer gig, which means standing or walking for two hours
- Take Bubba to Chuck E Cheese
- Be a fucntioning member of my family and society (ie be awake and alert and able to move without shrieking)
So, yeah. Good times over here. The temptation to self-medicate with pills and/or booze is growing harder to resist. It’ll be like my very own E! True Hollywood Story over here! In al seriousness, I cannot for the life of me remember if I’m supposed to apply heat or cold. Any suggestions?
*As of press time it is unclear if they are actually going to make it up here as my dad has lagged in been unsuccessful in finding suitable lodging, nor has he decided if they are coming up on Friday or Saturday.
EDITED TO ADD: I managed to score a Vicodin off of my mom’s supply, and have called every acupuncturist in town only to discover they are a.) on vacation, b.) booked solid or c.) will return my call. Dave may be bringing me some Taco Bell and I can kind of feel myself slipping into a little haze.