I Don’t Know How Macaulay Culkin Did It

Ed left last night for an almost two-week business trip, which left me a little bummed because, you know, I like hanging out with the guy.  But at the same time I reasoned, “Hey, there’s a lot going on while he’s gone, and it’s not like I can’t handle being on my own.”  Oh Me of Yesterday: You are a fucking idiot.  Here’s a list of awesome things I have done or have happened since he left the zip code:

  • Kinda-sorta break the chain on the ceiling fan/light in our room.
  • Have horrific nightmares about being chased by people with insane machine guns.
  • Wake up to the dog barfing next to the bed and miserably fail at getting her outside for BarfFest 2010.
  • Spill coffee grounds all over the counter.
  • OMG you guys I had to clean up barf before 7am.  I know this isn’t a newsflash to other pet owners or, you know, parents but that is disgusting.

So, yeah, the next 11 days – if I survive them – should be fun-filled.  I’m halfway tempted to pack up Molly and camp out at my mom’s because clearly I cannot have nice things or be left to my own devices.  Or if anyone has some free time and wants to come stay with me I’m sure Ed would appreciate it since he’d prefer not to return to a home that’s been burned to the ground because I forgot to turn off the oven. *

ETA: I just got off the phone with Ed and asked why he didn’t call me when he got to his destination.  “Uh, I DID call last night and you were half asleep.  Do you not remember?”  It sort of came back to me that we talked while I was asleep so add “short-term memory loss/having entire conversations WHILE ASLEEP” to the list.

* That happened ONCE and now every time I’m even near the oven it’s like being cross examined by Jack McCoy up in here.


3 thoughts on “I Don’t Know How Macaulay Culkin Did It

  1. This made me giggle! And shudder – BarfFest Anytime is the reason I don’t have pets or kids. (Okay – one of the reasons.) Cannot deal with barf.

    Anyway, I love a post that contains both a Home Alone and a Law & Order reference!

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