If You Try to Defend These I Will Judge You

So, this isn’t an SNL commerical after all.  I totally thought it was.  I mean, it seems like the perfect companion to Bad Idea Jeans, Baby Gap Thong Diapers and, of course, Oops! I Crapped My Pants.

I really don’t get what life choices lead one to wearing diapers on her wedding day.  “This dress is so heavy!  And the layers of tulle are a bitch!  Plus, I’m going to be SO busy greeting guests.”  Yes, you will be chatting up your new husband’s fraternity brother while you piss yourself.  How charming. 

Among the thoughts that have raced around my brain as I try to wrap it around this concept:

  • Why would you even buy and wear a dress that is so insanely cumbersome that a bathroom trip requires a team of assistants?  OR DIAPERS.
  • OK, so you’re going the Princess Dress Route.  Fine.  Your perogative and all that.  But what part of peeing while standing in a room full of people screams classy to you?  I haven’t read anything that directly contradicts this, but I have a hunch that Princess Diana didn’t crap herself in front of her guests.
  • Remember when that crazy astronaut lady drove from, like, Texas to Florida while wearing a diaper so she could kidnap her boyfriend’s other girlfriend?  Yeah.  This is only slightly less insane.
  • Isn’t it going to feel horrific?
  • Isn’t it going to smell horrific?
  • OHMYGOD YOU ARE WEARING A DIAPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That said, I’m seriously thinking about buying some and casually leaving them out where my mom can see them just to be all, “What?  What’s the problem?”  That’ll teach her to add two more couples to the guest list.

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3 thoughts on “If You Try to Defend These I Will Judge You

  1. ah, thank you for coming through and giving me the laugh i needed today 🙂 seriously, i almost needed a diaper myself while imagining a bride in her $1000 dress peeing while greeting guests!

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