Motivation to Bring Back the “Natural” Look. And By “Natural” I Mean “Like a Yeti.”

So, remember when I went in for my waxing and ended up with a red goatee?  It gets better!

I went back to my usual spot and was told that no estheticians were available, but they had plenty of cosmetologists.  Frankly, I’m not entirely sure what the difference is, but I know I’ve had a cosmetologist wax my face before, so I was all, “Hey, whatever man.” 

And then Rhonda showed up, looking very nervous and twitchy about the whole thing.  In retrospect, I should have asked the lady at the front desk for someone who didn’t act like she had to amputate her own arm.  Oh, silly, naive, hopeful me of two hours ago.

It took Rhonda a loooonnngggg time to get set up and locate tools and basically form a coherent thought.  I asked her to take care of the ladystache upper lip area first, so of course she went straight for the eyebrows.  With barely warm wax that she was having trouble spreading.  As I feared, they were a bit thinner than I like, but hey!  When you’re a Wookie all you have to do is wait five minutes and it’s back.

I pointed out my problem areas on my upper lip, which she ignored.  But considering that she had to yank twice and muttered, “Wow, I need to work on my grip” as I felt tears welling up in my eyes I wasn’t going to ask her to keep going.  She also claimed she couldn’t see very well, which seems sort of problematic in her line of work.

Five minutes later I was at CVS buying some Sally Hansen hair removal pod things to fix the situation and take care of business.

And now looking at my bright red face I can remember why I stick with waxing.  I think “hair removal cream” is code for “this shit will burn your fucking face off and possibly leave you disfigured and weeping.” 

It’s official: I’ll never be the well-groomed pretty girl.  But I am here for your amusement so don’t say I never did anything nice for you.


7 thoughts on “Motivation to Bring Back the “Natural” Look. And By “Natural” I Mean “Like a Yeti.”

  1. Thought I’d mosey on over here and reply to our convo on Advice Smackdown.

    Then, I started reading some of your stuff. You had me at “Powered by Wine and Cupcakes.” That’s a WIN in my book (as I sit here drinking a glass). Also, I feel your waxing pain but in my ladyparts area.

    Anyway, so as not to advertise my age all over the damn place, I will tell you here that I just turned 50 (FIFTY, OMGWTFBBQ!) this year. Still not married! Engaged twice a long time ago; very glad I didn’t marry either one. Hence, why I said you were lucky to have only taken 12 years to find your love. Add a couple of decades and the situation becomes somewhat grim…and also amusing. I try to feed rumors about my proclivities whenever possible, just to keep ’em guessing!

    I will also tell you that your comment about me being “rad as hell” kinda made my day. Thanks!

    • Suzy Q! So glad you came on over to my insane corner of the world. You are super rad – your comments are thoughtful and normal and not so “OMGURDOINGITWRONG” which can happen on some comment threads. And 50 is the new 30 or something, so whatever. I know of several people who met The One after 45 and are happier than ever. And I can guarantee you that my friends and family had given up on me after my Liz Lemon-like series of romantic failures so if there’s hope for a Battlestar Galactica-loving dork like me, you’re in good shape. I hope you keep reading and come on back! I have wine and cupcakes to share.

      • Yay for wine and cupcakes and a new Internet friend! Wait, is it too soon to call you a friend? Too bad!

        I think maybe my comments sound more normal because I’ve lived a lot more of life than most of the other people commenting. I’m not easily offended and I have a bizarre sense of humor, too.

        So, direct me to the best part of your archives. I’d like to read about your Liz-Lemony past and perhaps ridicule you. I would share my blog with you except I don’t have one. Yes, I know! I’m the last living person NOT blogging on the Interwebs! I don’t even use my full name on Facebook. Am suspicious of all this newfangled, technobabbly, Im in ur bank account stealin’ ur moniez world. And yet, I am an online super-shopper. An engima, is me.

  2. No, not too soon. Wine and cupcakes bond people together! To see the evolution from Liz Lemon to partnered up Liz Lemon (I mean, I still get food on myself) I’d just start at the beginning. I started this blog after a horrid break-up; I moved back home with my parents, started writing and here we are…

    It’s a little Liz Lemon, a little AbFab mixed with some Three’s Company and a Will Ferrell movie with some musings on how ridiculous and fucked up life can be.

    Let me know when you get to the password-protected posts and I can email you the secret code.


  3. I seriously cannot use tweezers on my eyebrows. I also end up with tears in my eyes. I don’t know if I’m using them wrong. Or maybe I’m just a bigger baby than I thought.

    • I cannot tweeze, unless it’s for a stray hair here and there. I’d much rather pay someone to pour hot wax on my face and rip it off. Weird? Maybe. But there you go!

  4. dude, I love everything about this post from the title on down. And I’m a fellow yeti. There, I said it. Go wax or go home. you know? if i started plucking my eyebrows, I’d still be plucking into next week. so anyway, just wanted to tell you, you are not alone!

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