So Far So Close

My wedding is just over two weeks away.  In some ways it feels like we decided to get married 10 years ago, and sometimes I swear it was 10 minutes ago. 

Every day continues to be a whirlwind of finalizing plans, tracking down wayward response cards (turns out it’s pretty hard to plan a formal seated meal when your extended family cannot be bothered to let you know if they plan to attend or not), fielding vendor questions, quelling my mother’s concerns over Lord-knows-what-today, and then at the end of the day trying to talk to Ed about something that is Not Wedding Related.  I may actually get interested in football for the first time in my life simply as a distraction.

And then there’s my Dad.  He is, as of this moment, scheduled for surgery this Wednesday.  He is also determined to walk (or roll) his favorite daughter down the aisle and his surgeons are confident he will be able to do so.  As for other small matters like feeding himself, driving, writing and the like?   Time will tell.

I waffle between being happier than I have ever been in my life and more scared than I have been since my dad’s accident 28 years ago.  (It occurred to me recently that Bubba is the exact same age now as I was when Dad broke his neck.  Sort of a weird coincidence, no?)  I feel borderline crazy some days with the ups and downs.  I am trying to focus on the good stuff as my Dad wants me to, but it also feels so frivolous?  Superficial?  To be chatting about flowers and wine lists when there is bigger stuff going on at the moment.

As for Dad, he is doing his best to meet his obligations and keep Bubba’s routine in tact.  They take the bus anywhere too far to walk, which suits my brother just fine.  That kid loves trains, buses, BART, planes, etc.  He loves taking new routes and watching people, even if it takes longer to get to swim lessons or a friend’s house.  Dad called the other day to tell me they rode the bus and then BART to explore downtown San Francisco.  Bubba expressed an interest in looking at skyscrapers, so off they went on a little adventure together.

We’re both riddled with guilt over what we’re NOT doing at the moment.  He wants to help his daughter with her wedding plans.  I want to help my father with…anything he needs. 

When we were in the early stages of planning the wedding and everything was hectic and there were a million decisions to be made and all of our parents were chiming in with opinions and requests I’d say to Ed that it would all be so much simpler if our families weren’t there.  Now the idea that part of my family could miss it breaks my heart.  Here’s hoping that is never an issue.


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