So, I think I mentioned that we’re hosting Christmas this year. Or maybe I didn’t. Well, guess what? We’re hosting Christmas. You’re on notice.
The funny thing about this is that with four sets of parents and other extended family and whatnot, we won’t really have our entire family together, so it’s really more like half the family coming over, and Ed and I will make a couple of rounds to those who can’t make it. So instead of last year’s Four Christmases-esque shenanigans, we’re down to two. I’d much rather have people over to our house than run all over the place, so this is a huge win to me. Plus we get to bust out the wedding china and other shmancy stuff and I can wear an apron and we can both freebase wine all day long since we don’t have to drive. Good times.
Except. Well. It seems we are still expected to show up at my mom’s Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. And Ed’s mom’s on the 23rd. Apparently, “Hey guys! We’re hosting Christmas this year! Come on over!” roughly translates to “Hey guys! We’ll be over whenever you want! In between cooking and cleaning our own home. We got this!”
I think it’s a little difficult for
our moms some members of the family to accept us as being The Ones Who Are Hosting a Major Holiday for the Family. Although we both feel welcomed by our respective in-laws, neither one of our families roll well with change and this is a big change on the heels of the wedding, which in itself was a big event. This is sort of shocking to me with my own mom since she has never been big into Christmas. Not that she’s ever been Scrooge-like, but she’s a pretty unconventional broad who is happy to try new things. Our big tradition is drinking kaluha and cream. Other than that? Things are up for negotiation. Ed’s family, on the other hand, is way more Hallmark about the holidays so I guess I shouldn’t have been shocked that his mom wants us all over at her place, despite the fact that it’s the least convenient, geographically speaking, and we won’t actually get to spend much time there.
Weirdly enough, my dad and Judy are being super cool about us not being there. Hooray for the second/real family and replacement kid! Thanks, Bubba!
The irony of all this is that in my frustrated state of “Jesus, why can’t they just let us have this and let go and be cool already?” I realized that I wasn’t exactly being understanding that this new dynamic is a big deal for our parents too and maybe I could try to compromise a bit. I know this intellectually. But it still feels like we’re doing all the work of running around AND hosting. Could someone tell me how this is fair? Or should I just abandon the idea of “fairness” when it comes to interacting with our families?
What holiday compromises do you make to keep peace/ensure you get your inheritance? When do you take a stand?