You Say It’s Your Birthday

Another birthday has come and gone; I turned 34 on Sunday and I’m a little surprised and dismayed by how it’s affecting me.  I’m not prone to bouts of “I’m so oolldddd and going to die soooonnn” and have little patience for people who do.  But here I am, all woe-is-me and basically behaving like a walking cliche wrapped in a Cathy cartoon.

Maybe it’s because my doctor’s warning that I better get crack-a-lackin’ soon if I want to have a kid (although I am not actually cleared to start trying so this was a bit confusing, but I try to make it a policy not to argue with someone who has a flashlight up my vag) has been echoing in my head for almost a month.  Maybe it’s because I’m not really thrilled with my life career-wise.  Maybe I’m just a neurotic whore.  Whatever the reason, it’s clear that I need to make some changes before I fall down the rabbit hole of full-on depression (or at the very least terminal bitterness).

Existential crisis aside, it was a lovely birthday weekend with the perfect mix of social time, alone time, aand time with my hot husband who spoils my undeserving ass with dinner and champagne and surprises.  Unromantic as this may sound, he took my car to be washed and detailed while I got my hair did  and came home and glued myself to Downton Abbey and OHMYHELL it was the best thing anyone has done for me that I could actually discuss in public.  So you can see why I might feel like kind of a dick for not being perfectly content (not that I am UNGRATEFUL).  It’s like I’m looking for reasons to be sad and you know who does that?  Someone I’d like to punch in the face.

Jesus, I feel like this post should be accompanied by some sort of sad trombone/Debbie Downer sound effect, but I know the more I try to suppress this or put on a happy face or disappear and isolate myself until this passes, the worse I’ll feel.  So here’s hoping I can turn this around quick-like.

Am I the only one who has gone through this?  Any ideas on how to ease up on myself?


6 thoughts on “You Say It’s Your Birthday

  1. Life is good, and you have plenty of time. If you’re still in a funk, go do something for someone in real need. I find that’s always a picker-upper.

    • Life is definitely good, and I’m not oblivious to the fact that I have more than most people dream of. Definitely trying to focus outward rather than dwell.

  2. I can tell you’re very worried about this. I remember my GYN telling me at 27 that I needed to get started now because time was atickin’. My grandmother told me the same. I’ve been hearing it ever since. Really, I think cause for concern should be around 38-40. But apparently that’s what IVF, should the natural route not be the best option, is for. And truly, the best time is when it’s best for YOU. Not when it’s best for the biomedical community. All will happen as it should in due time. Do some research about this, you’ll find that in many cases, women who stress about getting pregnant have a decreased chance at actually becoming pregnant naturally. It’s all about how stress impacts the body, including the reproductive system. Think about how many stories you’ve heard through the years about so-and-so adopting and then, surprise!, they’re pregnant. All because they’re stopped stressing, stopped trying to hard, and let nature take its course, not even knowing the entire time that nature was even possible. So sweetness, you gotta relax. Easier said than done. I just finally finished a year-long on-again off-again relationship with a crazy person mainly because I think my biological clock was clicking way too loudly, or so I thought. Really, it’s not healthy for your mind and body to worry so much. You have other priorities right now. When it time for you and Ed to start making a baby, you’ll know it. :0)

    • We’re definitely not trying (still under doc’s orders not to get pregnant, which is why his comment was sort of confusing, although he was very matter-of-fact and not at all shaming or anything) and I’m kind of wondering if I’ll ever feel ready. I’m not exactly radiating maternal energy, you know? And while I’m definitely of the “do it when you’re good and ready” camp, I doubt we could afford IVF so I don’t want to wait too long. There are some other un-bloggable factors playing into my anxiety about adding a person to this mix (NOT with Ed, some other family stuff), but I also know those will work themselves out eventually and we just need to weather this storm.

      Thanks for the sweet words of advice and encouragement; I know this all logically, but logical behavior doesn’t always prevail 🙂

    • Ha! That is very sweet of you, and you sure do have cute kids! I can’t begin to imagine how I would even ask that of you. It’s not like borrowing a sweater, you know?

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