Today I ate lunch at my desk and – like the genius I am – didn’t make sure I had a napkin or any common sense and proceeded to get hot sauce all over my keyboard. My lame attempt to clean up the mess was the stuff of shitty romantic comedies as I grabbed useless tissues to smear it all over everything like the Adorably Klutzy Protagonist Who Works in Advertising or Maybe Publishing until realizing “Uh, perhaps the canned air used to clean keyboards would be more effective here.”
This was not the most embarrassing thing that happened to me today.
Unlike the Unfortunate Sauce Incident (dibs on that band name!), which occurred with zero witnesses, I managed to make a dick of myself in front of the only co-worker I like. The worst part? I thought I was brilliant.
Me: “You know what I recently figured out? Chris Evans, Channing Tatum, Liam Hemsworth, and Chris Hemsworth are four different people.”
Her: <Hysterical Laughter> “Are you KIDDING me? They don’t even look alike!”
Me: “They’re all just so generic and unremarkable to me. And I figured Chris and Liam Hemsworth were the same guy who used two different names, which seemed pretentious as shit but whatever. And don’t they all kind of play the same roles? Action movie or love interest in a Nicholas Sparks novel come to life?”
Her: “OK, I can see that. Good point. And I think that Liam Hemsworth is kind of famous for dating Miley Cyrus?”
Me: “Which would be a reason for me to block any details about him from my mind because I cannot stand her or her face.”
Her: <Wiping tears from eyes from laughing so hard at my idiocy> “Oh man, I needed a good laugh. Thanks for that.”
Me: “Do I get any credit for knowing that Chris Pine is not one of those guys?”
Her: <Smiles Kindly> “Sure you do.”