Things That Have Filled Me with White-Hot Rage This Week:
- Motherfucking bug bites all over my feet and legs. We sat outside last Friday to enjoy our yard and some wine and oh, isn’t this so lovely and romantic OHMYGODMYLEGSAREONFIREHELPMENOOOOOWWW. The itchiness turned to straight-up PAIN and after some crowd sourcing for some relief in the form of drugs, voodoo, whatever I think my magical combination of Benadryl and aloe vera has helped with the itchy-burning feeling (sexay!) but my legs still look like a horrible connect-the-dots game (super-sexay!).
- I am convinced that the Jergens Natural Glow I had been applying religiously is basically mosquito food, so I have had to abandon Operation: Don’t Be So Fucking Pasty. Pale, bite-covered legs really bode well for my plan to rock a mini dress and be all cute and elegant like I’m Jackie O or Kate Middleton when we leave town. Fuck it. I’m wearing yoga pants this weekend.
- NBC cancelled Best Friends Forever and Cougar Town hasn’t been on because of Dancing with the Stars and this is all unacceptable bullshit. BULLSHIT I SAY!
- I somehow managed to rip the back of my favorite black work pants (and no, I have not gained weight but this didn’t do great things for the ol’ self confidence) and was left wondering a.) when did this happen and how many people saw my butt? and b.) what the HELL am I supposed to wear to work at least three days out of the week? I’m happy the tear was on the seam, but not really looking forward to that trip to my tailor.
I am, however, buoyed by the knowledge that there are 30 bottles of wine fermenting in my kitchen and it already tastes pretty good so things have got to get better from here, right?