A short list of brilliant moves on my part over the last three days:
- Frightened a three year-old with my exuberant exclamations to the point that he said, “Lady, why are you yelling at me?” Basically, I am this woman.
- Taught my brother to “make it rain” with his allowance money. My parents were not as amused as I thought they would be. Which is to say: at all.
- Asked same brother if he thought I should have a kid. “I don’t think so. You’re on the edge.” The edge of what, he would not tell me. But it doesn’t sound promising.
- Got so sunburned I think I may die. It hurts AND itches. I managed to pull this off while wearing sunscreen. Apparently my pasty self is impervious to normal, over the counter products and I need to wear a beekeeper suit. Also, this is the world’s most awkward sunburn: my left ear, chest, and knuckles. MY KNUCKLES. What fresh hell is this?
But it’s a new week and we’re getting a new roof (holla!) (Jesus, I am so lame) and tomorrow we’re going to see Steve Martin. Here’s hoping I can squash the urge to scream “The new phone books are here!” the moment I lay eyes on him. Given my track record of maintaining my shit in the presence of other functional humans, the odds are slim I’ll suddenly be cool.