Things Other People Seem to Love That I Don’t Get:
- Engagement photos: I’ve seen some really nice, tasteful, normal ones and these aren’t the worst if you take a step back and go, “Hey, we have no sober pictures of the two of us. Let’s fix that.” But the overly contrived, matchy-outfit, stand-in-a-field-holding-hands shit? I don’t get it. Why so twee? Just…get someone to take a photo where one of you isn’t smiling like Chandler.
- Declaring “I Want to Look Like a PRINCESS!” when dress shopping: For reals? And you’re over the age of 11? Interesting. Tell me: does your fiance wear the same cologne as your dad?
- Pregnancy photos: Again with the oh-so-twee and precious stuff. If I ever am pregnant and someone suggests a photo where Ed is cradling my stomach while we gaze into each other’s eyes? Or worse: HE’S KISSING MY BELLY? No. Do. Not. Want. I might do it up Lemon style, just to fuck with people.
- Overly dramatic gender reveals: Just fucking tell us what you’re having. I mean really. Do not try to sway me with “But there’s cake!” because I like cake but not when it’s used for evil. People who do this probably got engaged via flash mob proposal that was uploaded to YouTube.
Yes, I realize these are all wedding and baby related, and probably apply more to women than men, so I’ll understand if I need to turn in my ovaries. And I’m also a huge hypocrite for judging people for being so wedding-baby-manic when I get annoyed that I am also judged for not fitting the mold. I may be harsh but I’m not oblivious.