The Good News is the Cocaine Joke Seemed to Go Over Her Head

It’s officially Fall!  My favorite season!  And yet it’s still hovering around the high 80s/low 90s!  And I want to smack everyone who says “Ooh, it’s Fall!  Break out the scarves and boots!”  Look: just because the calendar says it’s a certain season doesn’t mean the weather has changed in the slightest.  If I wore tights and a sweater and a scarf and boots today I’d be melting.  Let’s all slow our roll here, mkay? 


Speaking of scarves, I recently did a huge closet purge and reorganization, which felt great.  I can see what I own and putting outfits together is actually easier when I’m not bogged down by stuff I don’t like/don’t wear/doesn’t fit anymore.  It is also glaringly apparent that if Hoarders ever does an episode on scarves I would be first in line to be featured.  I got the idea from Pinterest to organize mine on shower curtain hooks and then hang them on a hanger, which I did (arranged by color, natch) and then the harsh reality that I own over two dozen scarves set in.  Ed pointed out that most of them are presents (thanks to my generous mom and husband, and a gifted stepmom who knits and needs to just open her own Etsy shop already), and that made me feel better but I think I need to make it clear this Christmas: no more scarves.  Unless someone wants to get me a yellow one since that’s the one color I don’t have.  SHUT UP IT’S A SICKNESS.


This weekend I – along with two of my scarves – accompanied my mother-in-law to Sacramento to see my niece participate in the opening ceremony for the Tour of Gymnastics Champions.  We get along fine – great, really – but I was incredibly nervous about spending 2 hours alone in a car with her since there’s always been a buffer present in the event of verbal incontinence on my part.  Aside from making a joke about cocaine at lunch when she spilled a sugar packet all over the table, and almost accepting a dare from my niece to set off a fire alarm at Applebee’s while screaming “YOLO!” I think I did pretty well assuring her that while I may not have been what she envisioned for her son, she could have done worse.  At no point were we banned from or escorted out of the restaurant so I’d say we all came out ahead.  Also, the show itself was amazing and I welled up with tears of pride at the sight of my niece on the floor of the arena during her dance because I’M NOT MADE OF STONE, PEOPLE. 


We have managed to figure out about 95% the holiday rotation for 2012 and it’s not even October and no one has freaked out (to my knowledge) and I’m a little afraid to jinx how easily decisions were made and agreed upon, but mostly I’m really super happy.  Is it perfect?  No.  Of course not.  Because to say “yes” to one set of family means saying “no” to several others and that sucks.  We like our family and it blows to see your parents disappointed.  Ah, adulthood… having to make rough decisions is the price we pay for being able to buy our own booze and blast Billy Squier as loud as we want, isn’t it?


After spending the summer growing my hair a little longer I keep finding photos of women with adorable, chic bobs and now I’m thinking about cutting it shorter again at my upcoming appointment.  I know this isn’t interesting to anyone other than me, but if Ed ever needs to have me institutionalized I figure this can be evidence for the hearing.  Also, this will be my fifth stylist in the four years I’ve been living here so let’s hope I hit the jackpot this time.


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