Not Dead Yet

Hey – did you miss me?  Think I had abandoned you all?  Perish the thought.

No real excuse or great explanation other than there’s really nothing like sinking into a nice little self-loathing depression and going into hiding and then beating yourself up for isolating yourself and being a shitty friend who doesn’t return messages and starting the whole “WHY ARE YOU SUCH A LOSER I MEAN GET IT TOGETHER ALREADY” cycle all over again for a month or so.  Good fucking times.

Anyway, in the midst of my little hideout from social media while curled up on the couch with episodes of “New Girl” and Molly and Ed, I found myself able to climb out of the crazy (slowly, surely) and also found that while I missed this little corner of the Interweb, I really didn’t pine for keeping up with Facebook, Twitter, or even Pinterest.  Sure, I missed some of the witty bon mots of certain friends and the way that style boards inspire me to step it up for work.  But mostly?  I liked not comparing my life to everyone else’s life and wondering why every weekend we had wasn’t a scene out of a Martha Stewart magazine; I also needed to avoid the near-constant pregnancy announcements, maternity photo shoots, and family portraits, if we’re being totally honest here.  I turned my attention outward to get out of the funk.  Spending time with family, planning a new garden with Ed, and making plans for our future pulled me out a lot faster. There were many times I wanted to pull up a blank WordPress page and start typing away and hit publish and pull people down into the pity-party with me, if for no other reason than to feel connected to the outside world.  It occurred to me that maybe I should start with the immediate world around me and then work from there.  And it feels better every day.

Often the worst part of this cycle is how ungrateful I must look to those around me and it just fuels the fire, but all I can do is weather it and keep making plans.  It’s really all any of us can do, right?


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