So, guess who just turned five? THIS HERE INTERWEB BLOG. If it were a child, I would be registering it for kindergarten and it would be wiping its own ass and it would be embarrassed by me in public already, probably. YAY!
Also: the traditional anniversary gift for five years is “wood” so my brain just shorted out from all the potential boner jokes, as it is wont to do in times like this. Meaning: times when I’m thinking about boners.
Five years ago on June 22 I was a hot mess: prone to crying in public, getting all my calories from booze, and feeling so broken and so exhausted from the sheer weight of heartbreak that I was, ironically, unable to sleep for any real stretch of time. I started writing to pass the time in the airport as I prepared to move back to California and once I was settled just…kept writing. Kept moving forward, eating and sleeping again. It became the place where I’d lay it all out there – good, bad, ugly, drunken, sad, messy – and found a way to sort through the wreckage and allow myself to be happy again, instead of a cynical shell. The snark and sarcasm have always been there (will always be part of me, I’m sure, as sentimentality is something I lack) but I was dangerously close to shutting everyone out forever.
Thinking back to last Saturday and how I sat surrounded by the family I didn’t even know was possible five years ago, I am so, so glad I didn’t.