The Disco Spots Hold No Charm For You

There is nothing like driving around on a sunny weekday, Asia’s “Heat of the Moment” blaring from the speakers to make you feel so alive.  “Yes,” I told my 10 year-old self, “being an adult is the fucking raddest ever.  You keep on wearing that headgear and stressing about getting your period or being asked to do drugs after school* because it all gets better from here.”

Of course, you will find yourself happily picking up your new bridesmaid dress on that very same day and holding back a crestfallen face when the salesgirl helpfully, cheerfully – and not unkindly – suggests a padded bra when you wear the dress on the big day.

WHICH YOU ALREADY ARE, but hey!  You don’t have to borrow your dad’s credit card to do this, unlike senior year when they called him from Macy’s to authorize the purchase, so you still come out ahead, Kid.

*I blame 21 Jump Street for this particular phobia because DAMN.  That show made it seem like high school was the deleted scenes from Scarface.

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