It’s Not a Tumor

Alternate Title: Why Ed Shouldn’t Go to Sleep Before I Do Since I’ll Just End Up Cruising WebMD

A short list of things I Googled/decided I had after a leg cramp didn’t go away:

  • Deep Vein Thrombosis
  • Gout
  • Avian Bone Syndrome
  • I’d like a really tasteful memorial but also there should be an open bar
  • Well, at least I’m not going to die in a changing room trapped in a too-tight dress. Or chained to a wall in a sex dungeon.

The more logical reason(s):

  • Tweaked something doing a lunge
  • Got up from the floor kind of weird while holding my friend’s newborn
  • Dehydration
  • Am old
  • OK, Christen, go to sleep now

But seriously, I CAN FEEL THE CLOT MOVING TO MY LUNGS.

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2 thoughts on “It’s Not a Tumor

  1. I’ve always thought that Net Nanny was missing out on an opportunity by not having an option to block Web MD and similar sites. “Sorry, that site is off limits because it’s only going to worry the shit out of you.

    • Pretty much. I told Ed that I hope he finds love again and he just walked away from me. Mind you: I correctly diagnosed his kidney stone using Web MD and the vague memory of an old episode of Friends. So yeah, I know my shit over here.

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