Some Updates and Extremely Important Advice Needed

First of all, I’m going to pour some out for the 49ers and their loss yesterday.  While I am not an avid football fan (I often pronounce it “foosball” like Kathy Bates in The Waterboy just to annoy people), one of my earliest, happiest childhood memories is of being at a game with my dad, Uncle Jimmy and cousins when it was so cold that my dad ended up zipping me into his jacket to keep both of us warm.  Also, the Niners have sucked for ages and were not favored to win and I love a good underdog story so yeah.  Bummer.  But I’m not, like, crying into my coffee or anything.  Glad we cleared that up.

*Claps hands together purposefully*

Moving on!

  • Mad Men season 4 is finally available OnDemand and do you know what this means?  A renewed desire for a bar cart at my desk AND we will be all caught up in time for season 5 to premiere in March.  The excitement in our home is palpable.  Might be a sign that we need to pursue some new interests.
  • A much-needed downpour hit this area over the weekend, resulting in ridiculous “puddles” around our office.  Parts of the parking lot and the area in front of one of our doors are impossible to walk through without rendering yourself ankle-deep in water.  As a result, I am wearing very comfortable clogs, which keep me feet warm and dry, but make me look like Liz Lemon in her bicurious shoes.  CKD: Bringing the Sexy Since Never.
  • I managed to pop a rib out of place last week, which meant my first visit to a chiropractor.  I was nervous, to put it mildly.  I feared MORE pain (if that was possible) and that I would need to take off my pants.  Both issues were equally concerning to me, and I was assured by many that it would likely not hurt, and I could keep my pants on.  Not so reassuring?  The chiropractor agreeing with me that I am a mess.  My upper back is tense?  You mean the area where I hold all tension and that aches when I am stressed or sick?  YOU DON’T SAY.  The fortunate news is that she feels like she can help and I’m not a lost cause. 
  • Speaking of doctor’s appointments, does anyone else prepare for those like it’s a third date or something?  Leg-shaving, careful undergarment consideration, maybe some perfume?  Just me?  OK then.
  • Issue of Utmost Importance That Requires Your Input, Ideas, and/or Coming Over Here and Just Doing Shit for Me Already: I want to snazz up my workspace at the office.  My first step?  Framing a picture of Ed and me at Alcatraz and putting it on my desk.  (Yes, after more than a year of marriage and almost an entire year at this job, I have a photo of my husband on my desk.  Wife of the Year, kids!)  My dear Lili gave me a beautiful desk calendar that adds a lot of color and style, and I started rifling through things in our house that could be used to hold supplies.  I came up with a small white milk glass pitcher to hold pens, pencils, scissors and the like, and a short square pink vase to hold post-its and pads.  And…that’s it.  I’m not especially interested in everything matching perfectly, and am aiming for a bright, feminine, classy look.  I took to Pinterest for inspiration and came up with some ideas (a small pillow for lumbar support AND to brighten up my ugly burgundy chair is on the list), but I’m curious as to how you make the place where you spend a good chunk of your waking hours prettier, more personal, and/or less “institutional” looking.  But of course, space is at somewhat of a premium (I have a giant-ass monitor and the world’s fugliest printer in addition to a small scanner and an electric typewriter that is bigger than a first-grader covering much of the surface area) and I don’t want things to seem cluttered.  I’m sure this would be much easier if I had some photos of my desk to show you as a “before” or “work in progress” but I have yet to figure out how to take photos of my workspace without someone walking up and asking what the hell am I doing. 

Man, after reading that last rambling paragraph I’m thinking that chiropractor was right on: I am a mess.

Hope you have a great week, Interweb.  Rock your frumpy-yet-totally-practical-in-the-rain shoes with pride.




For last year’s post, click here.


Dear Bubba,

Oh, kid.  You.  You are too much.

Over the last year you have made a fairly seamless transition from preschool to kindergarten and from little kid to true big kid.  YOU CAN SLEEP ON THE TOP BUNK NOW!  Shit is getting real, is what I’m saying.

One of the most exciting (for me, at least) aspects of watching you this last year has been how your relationship with Ed has grown.  You have readily and happily accepted him as your brother, and you two have your own little games, routines, and jokes.  You’re still shy with the hugs, but now and then I catch you moving from the spot next to him right into his lap, resting your head on his shoulder.  It warms my cold, dead heart to see two of my favorite people care for each other so much and so easily.

Your wit and sense of humor continue to shine through as you make up little stories and puns.  You are reading and spelling like a champ (or, to be more specific, like a second grader), which of course makes your English major sister insanely proud.  You are devouring chapter books as fast as we can buy them or check them out from the library, as long as we honor Dad’s wish that he be able to follow along, too. 

I fear that the famous DeFazio Competitive Streak has found its way to you.  And while you are a fairly sore loser, you can also be kind of a jerky winner.  I’d love to say I don’t know where that came from, but hi, Kettle.  I’m the Pot.  As much as I want to grab you by the shoulders and say, “Hey, be cool!” I know that I need to model that behavior, too, and remember that while you use big words and wipe your own ass, and help make breakfast you are still so young.  There’s time and so much growing to be done.

Speaking of growing: I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to pick you up and swing you around.  You’re skinny as ever, but all arms and legs and pointy elbows and knees coming at me.  It makes me a little sad that you aren’t small enough for such games anymore, but more than anything it’s thrilling to see you grow strong and healthy.  (Also thrilling?  Your burgeoning geekdom -hello, Star Wars obsession.  When we get into some Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica business it’s going to be crazy.) 

When you were born Dad said he hoped that you would grow up to be strong and use your strength to help others.  You have already done that: you have helped this family become whole and happier than any of us dreamed possible.

I love you, Little Man.  Happy Birthday.

My love always,



PS I have taken your request for a nephew under advisement.  No promises, but we’ll see what I can do.

The Mind-Boggling Stupidity of Someone Other Than Yours Truly

Last night I was out on a run* when I came upon a small boy (maybe 3 years old?) standing alone on a corner.  Of a busy-ish street.  BY HIMSELF.  Did I mention the part where it was damn-near dark?

“Sweetie, are you lost?”  I asked him.  He pointed across the street to two little girls playing in another front yard and told me he needed to get to them.  I figured maybe his sisters ditched him or something and he was waiting for a grown-up to walk him across the street, so I offered to take him.

“He lives at that house!” one of the girls yelled to me.

“Oh, honey, you should ask your mommy or daddy if you can go over there.”

“Will you wait for me?”

“Yes, I’ll stay here,” I answered, thinking that maybe once the kid made it known that he was chillin’ on a street corner his parents/guardians/sitter/whoever the fuck was supposed to be keeping him alive would be all, “Oh yes.  You.  Let’s get you inside.”  He walked up to the door, let himself in, and I could see him talking to a woman who was so engrossed in her phone call that she never removed the receiver from her ear to actually TALK TO THE KID.  Some dude was also wandering around in the background, seemingly oblivious to everything happening.  She followed the boy outside as he pointed to me and I offered up a “Hi, I was just running by and saw him so…yeah.  He was out here by himself…” I trailed off.  The woman never removed the phone or stopped her conversation and just sort of acknowledged me with a head nod so I continued on my way.  I didn’t really know what else to do, to tell the truth.  I didn’t have my phone with me, and caling cops or CPS seemed a bit much, and I made sure the adult (seemingly) in charge was aware that the child was outside, but it still bugs me today. 

Some thoughts I had throughout the duration of my outing:

  • While I know that I am not a kidnapper/murderer/sketchy person, how did THAT LADY not at least have the GET AWAY FROM MY KID, STRANGER TALKING TO [MY] KID reaction before ascertaining that I wasn’t there to lure the kid into my van with promises of puppies and candy?
  • What phone call is SO IMPORTANT and ENGROSSING that you cannot pull yourself away long enough to tend to a child who is trying to make a run for it to another house?
  • Is this how things roll for this kid?  He’s left to fend for himself with the hope that he’ll just magically make it to the end of the day in one piece?  Or was this an isolated incident and random case of Distracted Mom/Caregiver?
  • Am I one of those dickhead childfree people who unabashedly judges other people without knowing the whole story?  (The answer to this one is likely a resounding YES since I am a pretty judgy dickhead in a lot of areas.)

I don’t really know what my point is here other to rant and reassure myself that I did what I could, I didn’t see the kid being actively abused, don’t know the whole story, etc.  Also: when in the hell did I become Debbie Do-Gooder who’s all about stopping kids from bodily harm?  I mean, I’ve never used a toddler as a human shield before, but I don’t tend to get involved in strangers’ shit.  Perhaps 2012 will be the year of a kinder, gentler me, at least when I literally run into someone who seems to need a little help.



*Yes, I went running, something that seems to have surprised a lot of people.  I am supposed to participate in an upcoming 5k with my sister-in-law, niece, and some friends so I need to get in shape so I don’t poop myself.  Also, having your father-in-law tell you you’re fat will really light a fire in your workout motivation!  In my own stunning display of brilliance I managed to hurt my knee pretty badly…while getting into my car.  Running for the first time in who-knows-how-long?  Not sore in the least.  Getting into my own car to go get lunch?  Almost shattered my knee cap.  Aces.  I probably WILL shit myself during this 5k, won’t I?

New Year, Same Great Crap

I have stolen this from all over the Interweb and love reading other people’s year-in-review and hope you enjoy as well.  If you follow suit, leave a link in the comments!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Not as much as I would have liked, but all the new stuff was good:  Started working for a small law firm.  Took a few pregnancy tests and wasn’t terribly worried about the outcome either way.  Had a biopsy that thankfully came up negative.  Hosted Thanksgiving LIKE A BOSS.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for this year?

I always have grand plans for some vague “healthy living” and while I’m not stuffingmy face full of lard each day, I could probably stand to improve this area.  I’m just not great at making a resolution, but I try not to be a total dick and maintain good relationships with the people around me.  Usually serves me well.  I’d also like to try and send real, paper snail-mail birthday cards to each of my friends this year.  Not exactly a change-the-world thing, but it kept me connected to people all over and that’s always good.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I can’t walk around without getting hit by a baby flying out of someone’s vagina these days.  And I have a feeling 2012 will bring more.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My Uncle Danny and our family dog Scout.

5. What countries did you visit?

None.  See also: massive backyard makeover that ate the bank account and will to live.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you didn’t have in 2011?

Less health stress, which is already the trend.  More casual get togethers with friends.  A true vacation.

7. What dates from 2011 will be etched upon your memory, and why?

October 16 – biopsy day.  October 20 – negative result day.  Our wedding anniversary was pretty great, followed by my cousin’s wedding that same weekend.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?

Landing a job.  BOOM.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not writing enough.  Losing my patience too frequently.  Not saying “thank you” as much as I should.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

See oft-mentioned lady parts issues.  A raging cold-turned-respiratory-infection around Thanksgiving broke my very long streak of good health.  Very excited about the minor nature of these!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My super sweet soccer mom car!  I fucking love that thing.  Do you know how many cases of wine I can fit in there?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Ed’s, for sure.  He makes life better, funnier, and easier in a million little ways each day.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Thankfully no one in my real life, but I get pretty grossed out by a lot of celebrity news.  Sometimes I think about quitting the Interweb because Facebook and trolls can really shake your faith in humanity.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Car payments, home improvement, sushi, and new work clothes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My new job!  I get easily excited over the goofiest stuff, so things like seeing The Muppet Movie get me pretty psyched.  What can I say?   I’m a cheap date.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

“Rolling in the Deep” by Adele.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) Happier

b) Same

c) About the same?  I guess?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Wrote here.  Let go of petty annoyances, although I do think I’m making progress in that area.  Said “fuck it” to errands and to do lists and enjoyed the moment.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worried about work away from work.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas Eve at the mother-in-law’s, Christmas day at our house, then headed to Dad’s for Round 3.  We really go full force with multiple days of celebrating.  And by “celebrating” I mean “drinking and eating non-stop.”

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Yes. With Betty Draper and Joan Holloway’s clothes on Mad Men.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

30 Rock, Mad Men, Community, and Parks and Recreation.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

This feels like a question for a junior high student.

24. What was the best book you read?

Bossypants was pretty fun and easy.  (Like your mom.)

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

My greatest musical discovery is that I am generally 6 months behind the general population and just need to own my own lameness.

26. What did you want and get?

A new car, a new job, a happy marriage, a clean bill of health.   My motherfucking rad iPad!

27. What did you want and not get?

Serenity now!

28. What was your favorite film of 2011?

Bridesmaids, The Muppet Movie.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 33 and celebrated with a few fancy dinners out.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not sweating the small stuff.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2011?

Mullet-esque: business in front (during the week), party in the back (on the weekends).

32. What kept you sane?

My family and friends.  Wine.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

Marriage equality and abortion rights. Why in the fuck are politicians worried about shit that ultimately does not affect their lives?

34. Who did you miss?

Bubba, always.  Pretty much all of my long-distance friends and family.

35. Who was the best new person you met?

My little local social circle has expanded this year and I am so excited about the great new friends we’ve made. You know who you are.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

I will fucking hate life after more than 3 slices of pizza, whiskey sours, and/or hours in the car without a break.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Insert something really deep and hipster sounding here.