The Reason for the Season

On the phone with my dad last night:

Dad: “What can we bring?”

Me: “Yourselves, some wine, and toys and movies for Bubba.  Oh, and your immune systems since the stomach flu and a respiratory infection have hit our house.”

Dad: “Wine, check.  No diseases, check.”

Me: “Nope, I have those covered.  I’m even having the tablecloth infected with smallpox to keep the meal feeling traditional.”

Dad: “You are so weird.  I love you.  See you Wednesday.”

And SCENE.

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Right on Schedule

OF COURSE I’m sick the week before Thanksgiving.  The week before we have a house full of people.  Nevermind that this week includes:

  • Tuesday – work function for CKD
  • Wednesday – work function for Ed
  • Thursday – David Sedaris reading
  • Friday – cryotherapy appointment and Whose Live Anyway
  • Saturday – more Thanksgiving shopping and preparation
  • Sunday – Christmas Preview in downtown Chico

The aforementioned is in addition to full-time jobs and other sundry obligations.  This is where I cry-laugh at the helpful suggestions that I get some rest. 

Lest you think me the most ungrateful bitch ever, I must give my mom serious credit for fetching me a bag full of comfort foods and juices and delivering them to our house LIKE A BOSS.  Sure, she suggested that I be quarantined with stomach flu-addled Dave so that she and Ed could be spared, but it was still sweet of her.  And Ed has been dutifully heating up soup and making sure I get enough fluids (dirty!) so that I will be well enough to clean the house enjoy the holiday with the rest of the family.  Hopefully by this weekend my cough will be downgraded from Doc Holliday* to…well, GONE would be nice, but this is my respiratory system we’re talking about here so expectations are low. 

In happier news that matters to no one, the Great Hair Debacle of 2011 has been resolved!  It’s still shorter than I would like, but that’s the price you pay to have a bunch of fucked up layers evened out.  The appointment took two hours total, but it was time well-spent considering it now takes me maybe two minutes and zero swear words to get my hair to look decent in the morning so I’m calling this a win.

*Too soon?

Appropos of Nothing, I’ve Been Listening to New Order A Lot Lately and I Want to Wear My Doc Martens

It’s almost the end of a rough week and I couldn’t be happier to have some positive things to look forward to in the coming weeks.  Here’s what’s been going on lately:

  • Tomorrow I have a hair appointment, which feels sort of pointless since my hair is finally almost the length I wanted it last month when it was chopped off.  I need a color touch-up and figure that at the very least I can get the layers evened out.  Trying out a new stylist so here’s hoping she doesn’t go bonkers. 
  • I am fully addicted to Pinterest.  It can be really overwhelming – kind of sensory overload – but I love that there’s something for everyone. 
  • Our Thanksgiving headcount is confirmed at eight, with two more possible guests.  This weekend is going to be a lot of shopping prep and – my favorite – stocking the bar.  I’m not great at math, but from my calculations two sets of divorced/remarried parents+one father-in-law+one kindergartener+a perfectionist couple=eleventyhundred bottles of wine, right? 
  • I inadvertently started a shitstorm on Facebook the other day with a half-joking comment “The sound of everyone’s voices going up 15 octaves when someone brings a baby in to the office makes me want to rip out my own ovaries. If it were a puppy maybe I’d understand.”   I may need to add “children” to my list of Things We Do Not Speak of EVER on Facebook.  You heard it here first: Children are the new Politics and Religion.
  • Currently accepting Christmas movie suggestions to augment our stash.  A Christmas Story and Christmas Vacation are favorites and in constant rotation, but we need to mix it up.  Elf is a safe go-to and  Bad Santa is an obvious choice, but since there will be kids ranging in in age 5 to 16 at our place at any given moment more wholesome fare is required.  Sadly, most wholesome stuff makes me gag.  Ed suggested Polar Express (fuck no – Tom Hanks is way creepy), Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman (I have…mixed feelings about claymation, but these are safe bets for kids) and some movie about a kid who goes to Wal-mart on Christmas Eve to buy his dying mom red shoes or slippers so that she can look pretty when she goes to heaven to meet Jesus OH HELL NO.  It’s like he doesn’t even know me.  The search continues.

Hope you all have a great week.  Here’s to good hair and Christmas movies that don’t make you want to hork.

Thank You

While gratitude shouldn’t be limited to a particular month, November is traditionally associated with giving thanks for the people and blessings in our lives.  And today I’m reminded more than ever how lucky and truly grateful I am for my wonderful family.  I am especially appreciative for the time I had with my Uncle Dan, who lost his battle with ALS over the weekend.  Our family is simultaneously heartbroken over losing him and relieved that the pain he was in has been eased. 

Ed and I talked about our upcoming holiday schedule about a month ago and how we wanted the focus to be on each other and time with family and friends.  This meant less stress about being perfect hosts or attending obligation events that only stress us out (ie work parties vs a quiet game night with friends) and more emphasis on being present with each other and our loved ones.  I know Uncle Dan – ever the cheerleader of our weird, loud family – would approve of this course of action, and I can only hope to reflect his loving, positive attitude even when things get overwhelming.

Thank you, Uncle Dan, for the piggyback rides, jokes, cheesecakes (oh, the cheesecakes), lively conversation and unwavering support of the crazies we call our family.

It Occurred to Me

If I allowed myself to write about my job, I would have zero problem coming up with funny – and sometimes perplexing AND offensive – blog content every day. 

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Here’s something I’ve been wondering: I will get a phrase or song lyric or move line stuck in my head on a loop and it takes everything in me NOT to say it out loud. Repeatedly.  Is this a thing?  Or just another symptom of my as-yet-to-be-diagnosed mental illness?  For the record, today’s line is “FUCK YO COUCH” from Chappelle’s Show.  Yeah.  I don’t know, either.

A Day in the Life

It’s probably not surprising that, as someone who probably overshares about her life, I find other people’s lives fascinating.  Some of my favorite blog posts are about a typical day, or what’s in someone’s purse/pantry/closet.  Fellow voyeurs will find this fascinating.  Smart people will realize that on day 2 of NaBloPoMo I am already struggling for material.

Here we go! 

6:45am: Alarm goes off.  On occasion I get up and exercise, but more than likely…

7:15am: Get self out of bed and into shower.  Ed is usually already up and feeding Molly, making his breakfast (I don’t like to eat first thing when I wake up) and making the bed.

7:30isham-8:00ihsam: Working hard to transform myself from Crypt Keeper to Semi-Presentable Human.  Yelling at Today Show to quit paying attention to the Kardashians already.

8:00isham: Ed leaves for work.

8:00am-8:15am: Stand in front of closet lamenting that I have noooottthhiinnngg to weeeeeaarrrrr.  The closets (yes, plural) filled with my clothes beg to differ, but whatever.  Get dressed, maybe throw a load of laundry in the wash, or move something to the dryer.

8:20am: Leave for work.

8:22am: Arrive at work.  Not a typo there.  It takes me two minutes to get to work.  And yes, I drive because I need to have my car to run work-related errands throughout the day that are not quite as conveniently located.  Not gonna lie: I love my commute-less life, but it makes me feel like a slob that I drive such a short distance.

8:25am-8:30am: Make coffee for the office because the 3 or 4 people who get there before I do cannot be bothered with peasant tasks.

8:30am-1:00pm: Drink aforementioned coffee, soul-crushing work.

1:00pm: Head home for lunch.  I usually try to squeeze in some sort of cleaning or at least run the dishwasher so we can come home to a clean house.

1:30pm-5:00pm: More work and wondering if I should staple my college diploma to my face so people will speak to me with some respect. 

5:o2pm: Arrive home, greet Molly, sort mail, change out of Corporate America Outfit and into something super comfortable and yet totally unflattering, and figure out dinner if one of us didn’t pull something out of the freezer, or if there aren’t leftovers.

5:30pm-6:00pm: Veg out a bit because GOOD LORD after a day of people talking at me and attending to the needs and requests of others, I need some motherfucking quietand/or an episode of 30 Rock.  Run errands if necessary.  Ed usually comes home during this window of time.

6:00pm-7:00pm: Make dinner, drink wine, talk about our day, feed Molly, clean up dinner, and unwind.  This is easily my favorite part of the day. 

7:00pm: Usually a phone call or two (frequently to or from one of our various parental units checking in), finish up any housework (I seriously do not understand how two non-slob adults like us generate so much laundry), and adjust my to do lists as necessary.  Ed heads into our office to do some work, and occasionally has conference calls with clients in different time zones.  Sometimes we go out during the week with friends or to a show at the university, but more often than not we’re both done dealing with the public and don’t want to have to wear anything non-elastic.

8:00pm: Read or watch TV, sometimes dork around on the Interweb, but after being in front of a computer all day it’s nice to take a break. 

10:00pm: Molly usually signals that she’s ready to retire to her bed so I wash my face and she hangs out on the bed with me while I watch the news or a movie.

11:00pm: Sleep!  Glorious, sweet sleep. 

 

So, there’s a basic overview of a typical-ish weekday.  Remarkable, yes?  No?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  But I posted!  Go me!

NaBloPoMoWHATNOW?

After reading helpful comments and emails, scouring Pinterest, poring over the November issue of Real Simple, talking to my mom, and boring Ed to death I think I have settled on white dishes for our Thanksgiving dinner.  Now, let us never speak of this again.

Riiiiggghhttt.  Because “letting things go” is my strong suit.

As the title of this post indicated, it’s November aka National Blog Post Month or NaBloPoMo.  And I’mma be honest with you, Interweb, because you seem nice and all: I probably won’t post every day this month.  I intend to keep up with my two-three posts a week and hopefully more, but weekends posting will be light, if at all. 

NaBloPoMo is performance anxiety-inducing, a fun challenge, a great way to get back on the blogging wagon after a hiatus or all of the above depending on who you ask.  I’ll try to keep my posts about tablescapes to a minimum, and I welcome requests (we can bring back What to Wear Wednesdays), prompts, or truth-or-dare style Q&As.  Let’s do this!