A week after the harrowing tire-blow-out-spin-out-freak-out, I got my sweet little truck back from the shop. The good news: the body damage can be repaired. The bad news: because there was no official report from CHP, we need to play the “wait and see” game while the tire company investigates, and hopefully they will give us the money to make the repairs. Luckily, the truck is fine to drive. FINE, that is, if I weren’t terrified about driving now.
The recent incident has me a bit gunshy about driving. I have been in – and witnessed – way worse accidents, and this wasn’t bad AT ALL…but I don’t know. Maybe with age comes a better sense of mortality, or maybe The Crazy is seeping in more as I get older, or maybe I’m just a big fat chicken. Point is, each time I get behind the wheel now I feel like calling everyone I know to say goodbye “just in case” and that is NOT OK.
I ventured out for an afternoon of errands, Billy Squier’s “The Stroke” playing on the radio, windows down (if only I had a TransAm and my REO Speedwagon shirt), slight breeze in the air. While stopped at a light, I could feel my truck rumbling and vibrating a bit. Before I knew it, I was convinced that IT WAS GOING TO BLOW OH MY GOD HIT THE DECKS and then a couple of yahoos with their bass pumping drove past me in the turn lane. The rumbling-vibrating ceased. I got a hold of myself, but variations on this scene repeated themselves while I was out, and I don’t care for this new scaredy cat CKD. She’s lame and doesn’t want to go anywhere.
The solution to getting over myself seems to be a combination of getting back on the horse, so to speak, and taking it easy. A chat with a friend revealed a big source of my fears, driving and non-driving related: lack of control. Having your tire explode is out of your control, the car – for a moment – was out of my control, and that is scary. Maybe this is a good lesson that I CAN deal with situations that are out of my control and get back on course. Or maybe I had too much wine tonight.
One thing that has helped my confidence? That would be helping a certain friend (coughKatiecough) who ran out of gas on her way home. Having someone lean on me and being forced into action made me forget that I had to, you know…DRIVE A CAR. I just got up and did it because that’s what you do for a friend, and you don’t let fear get in the way. And because I am SUCH A GREAT FRIEND I also teased her mercilessly and took pictures:
Yeah, I might be slightly jumpy but I’m still an asshole. Comforting, yes?