You know what I’m really good at? Like, exceedingly? Writing blog posts in my head while in the shower (stop picturing me naked) or while I’m driving, and then intending to write for realsies here and sitting in front of my screen all slack-jawed and durrrrr and then I end up looking up eye makeup tutorials on YouTube. I’m also really good at half-writing posts and letting them sit there for months until I go through my drafts and am all, “OH SHIT! I should finish these!” and then I end up basically pulling in bits of various half-posts into a slapped together bullet point mess like the one you’re about to read. See what I did there? Your mind: it is blown.*
- My family often treats me like an amusing mental patient – despite My Very Grown-up Life and Responsibilities (ie we have an accountant and our refrigerator isn’t solely comprised of beer and mustard) – and sometimes I wonder why. And then I re-read the ridiculously long email I sent my parents regarding caring for Molly for 36 hours and realize “Oh yes, this is why.” I haven’t received a response from my mother yet, but I am anticipating something along the lines of “You know how I managed not to kill you or the menagerie of pets we have had in this house?” and “You are crazy.”
- So, we’re off to Napa this weekend (hence the need for a Molly-sitter) and I could not be more excited. Wine tasting! A trip out of town and away from the pull of errands and chores! Delicious food! WINE! In figuring out what to wear I decided my main criteria should be “comfortable” and “hides wine stains” because who are we kidding? I can try to look like Kate Middleton all I want, but when you get down to it, I’m the girl who walks through the grocery store going to town on sample ribs with sauce all over my face.
- I need to get crack-a-lackin’ on Ed’s 40th birthday party. I’m sure a better wife would have already booked a fabulous venue and caterer with a cool theme and letterpress invitations but at this point I’m thinking taco truck, booze, and good friends and we’ll call it good. I have found some great ideas on Pinterest but honestly? I’m overwhelmed. Mama needs to rein shit in.
- My doctor has instructed me to take prenatal vitamins (totally not pregnant!) and they make me feel like garbage. I mean, I assume it’s them because literally nothing else about my eating, drinking, etc routine has changed and I usually feel gross soon after I take one. Is this normal? Just an issue with a particular brand? While I feel good about the fact that any future spawn won’t have a pinhead, I am annoyed that science has perfected boner pills but this makes me barfy. Not cool, Science. Of course, I do wash them down with wine which I am guessing is not encouraged?