I have written at least a dozen posts in my head lately. Does that count for something? No? OK. How about a good ol’ fashioned brain dump/bullet-style on what’s been going on:
- Wedding season kicked off in mid-September and I behaved myself at the first one because it was a co-worker of Ed’s. I may be an idiot, but I can play Good Corporate Wife when necessary. I did freak the bride briefly on the dance floor but maintain that she started it.
- I was…not as well-behaved at the next wedding since a.) these were my friends and b.) we pre-gamed the big event at our hotel so I was slightly buzzed by the time the ceremony began. My highlight reel of dipshit behavior includes teaching a child to dance with glow sticks (aka contributing to the delinquency of a minor), wearing a glasses and mustache disguise (and having no memory of it until photos surfaced on Facebook), and screaming “BOATS AND HOES!” as the bride and groom sailed away from the reception. It’s a miracle I have any friends.
- Ed got to know some of my old friends better during that wedding weekend, which was fun and world-collide-y and weird to see that while we’ve all grown up and are generally respectable, responsible adults in our every day lives, we act like total rejects once thrown into the same room. Shit gets really weird if there’s booze involved. AND THERE’S ALWAYS BOOZE INVOLVED.
- As mentioned in my last post, we celebrated our third anniversary in Las Vegas. Here’s a confession: I’m not really a Vegas Person. I mean, I’ve had fun there, but I am not a gambler, I hate smokey restaurants and bars, and my patience for dealing with hordes of drunk idiots has waned with age (unless they’re my friends). But we found a delightful new-ish smoke-free, non-gaming hotel just off the strip and were pleasantly surprised at how relaxing it was. We spent a day by the pool, ate like it was our job, indulged in massages at the hotel spa, and took the chance to reconnect and just be. It was perfect.
- Work has been…work. It’s been a time of transitions since the spring but it seems that things are settling down finally. I hope.
So, exciting times up in here. There’s been a lot going on (sorry to be so cryptic, but it’s not entirely my story to tell) and I do miss writing here. We’re in the midst of a nice seasonal purge/cleaning fest/reorganization and it feels like Fall – my favorite! – so I’m feeling some positive changes in the air.
While watching Reality Bites, the movie that set the tone for my 20’s and made me think I was some sort of artist or whatever who would never end up with some square corporate type until I had to, you know: grow the fuck up and realized that I wanted things like a house and dishes that match:
Me: “Holy shit, Reality Bites is on!”
Ed: “I’ve never seen it.”
Me: “What in the HELL? OK, you need to watch it. In its entirety.”
Ed: “What’s it about?”
Me: *Rolling My Eyes* “I can’t, like, DISTILL IT DOWN to a blurb of a description. It’s about Gen X. It’s about not selling out to The Man. It’s…a part of who I was and who I became.”
Ed: “So, was this before she did Beetlejuice?”
Me: “I just can’t even with you right now.”
We celebrated three years of marriage (and almost exactly 4.5 years together which seems crazy when I think about because WHO MARRIES SOMEONE THEY’VE KNOWN FOR 18 MONTHS? Oh, I guess I do. And so does Ed so at least we’re both out of our minds) last week. Ed was sent to las Vegas for work at the last minute, and was sad to discover he would have to fly out the morning of our actual anniversary (October 1st), until his boss told him that he would be done early Thursday and could take the rest of the week off. Rather than fly home, he had me fly out to meet him for a weekend away, alone, with zero plans or obligations or other people’s schedules to consider. It was, as you can imagine, bliss. Exactly what we needed.
I’ve been meditating on marriage lately (maybe due to it being wedding season?) and, more specifically, our relationship and what it means. Everyone told us that the first year would be the hardest, and while it was full of a lot of changes and transition and new compromises and shifting expectations, it didn’t/doesn’t strike me as particularlydifficult. I liken it to the first few weeks at a new job you really like: you’re not really sure what you’re doing but you’re having a good time figuring it out. But this year has been rough. We’ve been tested and stretched and scared and pulled. Multiple parental health issues on both side. This whole fucking situation. A lot of questions without the answers we were expecting. Postponing and sacrificing and praying. Some, I’m ashamed to say, neglect of each other as we try to keep being the perfect children, siblings, and friends we think we are expected to be. No permanent damage, but it’s not something either one of us wants to become a habit.
So while I would say this year has been more challenging than the first in many ways – the stakes feel higher, if that makes sense – one thing I’ve noticed is that our communication and ability to catch ourselves and say, “Whoa, we need to figure this out” has improved. We’re a team and grateful for each other more than we’re annoyed (at least I hope that’s the case for Ed, too), we help each other more than we (unintentionally) hurt each other. And, despite my grim declaration that this year has sucked, it’s actually more and more fun. Maybe because once you’ve been through some rough times you appreciate the good more than before? I’m not questioning it.
Happy Anniversary, Love. You are everything I could have wished for and more.