Wherein the Man Tries to Keep Me Down But Fails

This week has been rough.  Come-home-from-work-and-cry-every-night rough.  It’s been a struggle to shake off the crazy.

But yesterday I received excellent news about my health, went to a barbecue at a friend’s house, held the sweetest little chubby baby girl ever, ate some fucking amazing cookies, drank margaritas, laughed, and had an in-depth discussion about tonsils with an 8 year-old who agrees they are gross but having them removed was a total ass-ache.  Today my dad, Judy, and Bubba will arrive for a visit and I cannot wait to hug that kid and pretty much live outside now that the weather has mellowed a bit.

Bring it on, haters.  I can take it.  I have love and happiness on my side.  Also: margaritas.

I Had “Summertime” by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince in My Head The Entire Time I Wrote This Post

Everywhere I look people are making Summer To Do Lists or Summer Bucket Lists and it’s inspired me to make sure we take advantage of all the fun things around us this season.  We’re a family of delicate flowers when it comes to the heat and tend to use it as an excuse to hole up in the air conditioning, cold beer or margarita in hand, venturing out in the evening when it cools off.  And that’s great, but it seems like the next thing I know it’s winter and we’re REALLY stuck indoors and I’m staring out the window longing for some sunshine.  So in an effort to get motivated to enjoy our yard, our friends, our town, and the fantastic opportunities around us, I’m making a Summer Wish List.  I’m not going to make this a “to do” list because I don’t want to feel shitty about myself and the summer if I don’t accomplish everything.  I mean, some of the best things that happen are completely unplanned or unexpected, right?   We’ll see how we do.

In no particular order:

1. Host a backyard tea for my girlfriends and their daughters
2. Host at least two more BBQs for no reason (ie not a birthday party/holiday)
3. Take Molly to Bidwell Park
4. Take our jeep to Bidwell Park and pack a picnic lunch
5. Hit up Saturday Farmer’s Market
6. Wander around Thursday Night Market and have a margarita at Tres Hombres
7. BEERS ON THE PATIO AT SIERRA NEVADA
8. Go to a Giants game.  Or as many as humanly possible
9. Meet up with the fam at Raley Field for a River Cats game
10. Southern CA trip
11. Napa with the Walkers
12. Find a yoga class I like and get into a routine
13. Write two blog posts a week
14. Take Bubba back-to-school shopping for first grade.  Try not to break down in hysterical sobs over how fast he’s growing up.
15. Keep my calla lilies alive
16. Steal our nieces for a weekend and show them around town and the university so they will go to school here  (You think I’m kidding but I’m not)
17. Grow my hair just a teensy bit longer, and don’t give in to the temptation to chop it all off
18. Organize the kitchen drawers AND YES I REALIZE THIS IS BY FAR THE LAMEST THING EVER but damn – we need to do some purging/organizing before the holidays are upon us
19. Get errands and chores done on Friday so we can enjoy our weekend and maybe do some of the above
20. Take the “write a book” idea seriously, and come up with an outline

So, lovelies, what are you up to this summer?

Socially Inappropriate Spice In The House

In the last ten hours I have managed to

1. Call a kindergartener a “damn dirty cheater” in regards to a reading award.
2. Respond to a pregnant friend’s belly pic with “Holy tits, Batman!”
3. Laugh hysterically at last night’s True Blood and vow to add “fucktarded” to my lexicon because Pam is my spriti animal, fuck yeah!

So basically, I won’t be pursuing a career in PR or a teaching career at the elementary school level anytime soon.  You’re welcome.

The BB Cream Showdown No One’s Been Waiting For

As someone who is consistently six months behind every awesome trend I am just now coming around to trying a blemish balm – or “bb cream” – as they are sometimes known.  (Aside: I have a weird issue with the fact that second “b” in “bb” stands for “balm” and yet there is a “cream” added at the end, too.  Isn’t that redundant?)  Being a zillion miles away from a Sephora means I must rely on drugstores, Target, and my monthly Birchbox arrival to help me experiment with the latest and greatest.  After reading that a bb cream can do the job of both a primer and tinted moisturizer/light foundation I was intrigued.  I mean, I’m pretty damn devoted to my BeneFit POREfessional primer and tinted moisturizer.  How would this product – claiming to be The Highlander of primer/moisturizers – replace my preciousness?

The answer was clear: I would need to try it out for myself.  It would be an Iron Chef-type showdown pitting two different balms against each other.  Only one can emerge victorious!  OK, I may watch too much Food Network, but whatever.  My (limited) research may help you in your quest.  You’re welcome.

Contestant #1 – Garnier Skin Renew Miracle Skin Perfector in Light/Medium

Pros: Easily obtained at your local Target or RiteAid or whatever.  Not crazy expensive.  Smells yummy.  SPF 15

Cons: Too dark for my pasty self.  Doesn’t blend easily.  My skin just generally doesn’t seem to react super well.  Only an SPF 15.

Analysis: I wanted to like this, I really did, but meh.  While I didn’t have any breakouts, it just left my skin feeling kind of dry which is the OPPOSITE EFFECT IT SHOULD HAVE.  There is another formula out there, so maybe that would be better suited to my needs but I’m not really willing to buy another tube in order to find out.  I’m sure that 90% of my reaction is due to the fact that the color itself isn’t the most flattering on me but that was my own misplaced optimism that a light/medium would work.  However, I could see this working well on someone with not-so-dry skin and who isn’t a shade off from Albino.

Contestant #2 – Dr. Jart+ Water Fuse Beauty Balm

Pros: Came to me via Birchbox, which means it’s so adorably tiny and perfect for travel and basically cost me $2!  SPF 25.  Not much blending necessary since the color was actually a pretty kick-ass match for Ol’ Whitey.

Cons:  Need to order online and definitely pricier than ye olde drugstore brand.  The name “Jart” rhymes with “fart” and “shart” which is kind of funny (OK REALLY FUNNY SHUT UP I’M 12) but also sort of gross.

Analysis:  Love how it feels but I don’t love how it looks alone – still need my primer.  Sheer and light, which is perfect for the insane heat that has hit us this week, but still offers enough coverage.  Definitely a better match for my complexion, which is a huge plus.  I mean, if it looks like I’m wearing a mask, I’m not going to use it.

 

Winner: Dr. Jart+ (Heh – jart still sounds like fart/shart.)

 

I really wanted to love the Garnier but it just wasn’t meant to be for me.  I’m not sure if it’s a case of you get what you pay for, or if I would love the Garnier more had they not tried to make it a light/medium, but Dr. Jart+ is the clear winner.   Still not willing to forsake my precious primer, but this could replace my Mary Kay Tinted Moisturizer, which kind of blows my mind

Wow, can you all stand the excitement of this thrilling showdown?  Now don’t you feel like you can sleep well with all this knowledge?  Again: you’re welcome.