You’re Going to Pine for the Days When I Didn’t Post

Wow, I’m really crushing it on that whole “write two posts a week” promise, aren’t I?  Maybe I should clarify that it may not be EVERY week?  CKD: Setting the Bar Low Since 1978.


So, you know what’s fun?  Getting into your car Monday morning to find your glove box and center console open, with the contents of the former stacked up on your passenger seat.  I assumed Ed was looking for his sunglasses or something and didn’t have time to put things back, but thought I’d check in with him anyway to discover that nope.  He had not been in my car since yesterday and HOLY CRAP CHECK FOR THE IPOD, GPS, AND EVERYTHING ELSE OF VALUE.  A quick inventory of the car revealed that nothing was stolen, unless they dipped into our plentiful supply of Starbucks napkins acquired over several drive-thru road trip stops.  A co-worker mentioned to me that they may have been looking for a gun to use to commit a murder because “If you were going to commit a murder, wouldn’t you use a gun that’s not traceable back to you?”  So now I am extra happy that a.) no one snagged my 90’s Hip-Hop Dance Hits CD and b.) we don’t keep guns in the car that could be stolen and used to kill someone HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS I AM MAYBE LIVING IN A REAL LIFE LAW & ORDER EPISODE.  Seriously though, this is making me pine for the crime-free days when I lived in San Francisco.  This small town life shit is not for me.  Who rummages through some dry cleaning receipts and Immodium packets and leaves all electronics behind, which serves no other purpose than to make me feel gross and violated and freaked out because WHY DID THEY NEED NAPKINS AND IMMODIUM?  Gross.

I’d also like to publicly apologize to Ed for assuming he was the culprit and for the snotty-sarcastic message from me first thing of “Gee thanks for fucking up my car for me this morning!” when in reality it was probably hobos with diarrhea.  Excellent.


Epilogue –  I spoke too soon: it appears our registration is missing, but luckily our updated information should arrive soon anyway.  But now we’re at risk for identity theft AND I got to call the police and have our car flagged in case we are pulled over and can’t provide the proper documents.  Aces.  I hope these assholes really do have awful diarrhea.