Some Cuteness for the Weekend

Juno is three months old! Look at the big girl holding up her head. She is rolling over and smiley…and looking more like Mommy every day.

Tummy time for the wee baby girl. It’s like Baby Pilates.

Bigfoot and Relaxation

This weekend means more DeFazio Family Fun Time. Dad, Judy, Bubba and I are headed to Uncle Tim and Aunt Jeanette’s cabin in Willow Creek. I haven’t been up there in years and am greatly looking forward to some time with the family. The fact that there’s a pool doesn’t hurt either. And cocktail hour! Oh, cocktail hour. Nothing warms my heart like having my uncle bring me a margarita on the deck.

I cannot express how excited I am for a weekend like this. Wearing my hair in pigtails, never changing out of my swimsuit and playing with the munchkin…pretty muc like when I was six. If I’m feeling ambitious I might read a little and do some writing of my own, but frankly that sounds too hardcore for me.

I did some research on Willow Creek and apparently it’s the Bigfoot capital of the world. How did I not know this before? Wait, there’s more! There’s an annual festival in honor of Bigfoot, and it starts this weekend. How awesome did my weekend just get?

Enjoy, Interweb!

Oh God I Hope She Doesn’t Write About Her Period Again

Hey, remember that time I regaled you with tales of cramps? Yeah. Well, Normal Christen is here, so we can go back to discussing my hair and drinking. Comforting, no?

Last night I was watching the Democratic National Convention and I momentarily flashed back to being 10 and annoyed when regular TV was pre-empted for all of the boring speeches and I knew Dukakis wasn’t going to be president anyway, so why were we watching this stuff? Kind of funny what childhood stuff sticks and what doesn’t. Anyway, I enjoy “the boring speeches” now and hearing Biden and Obama talk just got me all excited for the future because I am an optimist and idealist at heart. I got all fired up and wanted to yell out “Steve Holt!”* but refrained.

My conversation with Dad was cut short last night by the sounds of screams coming from a certain toddler who, from what I could gather, was refusing to put on his jammers and begin The Bedtime Routine. That aside, my dad sounds about a jabillion times better than he did a week ago and our whole family appreciates the concern and love you’ve been showing. Interweb, you’re aces.

I’m on the hunt for black knee-high boots, ideally sexy enough to rock on the weekends, but classy enough that I could wear them to work, too. So if you see any could you let me know? Thanks.

Steve Holt!

*If you get that reference, please let me know so we can make out or something.

Are you there, God? I’m a Freaking Wreck

I’m really OK with most aspects of being single. Going to weddings alone is fine; you don’t bring a sandwich to a buffet. I come and go as I please and have vacation plans keeping me busy through 2010. But right about now it would be awesome to have someone around to bring me Advil, water and a heating pad. Not to mention perform other, um… services that help with cramps. Don’t even suggest hiring an escort for this. It’s like paying a hooker to hold you and I haven’t reached that level of desperation.

At the risk of regressing to junior high, I’m about five minutes away from writing myself a note to get out of work due to “lady problems” so I can go home and curse womanhood.

Weird thing is, I also want chocolate. Yeah, you heard me.

At least I’m not like this:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/10234/saturday-night-live-annuale

And Then She Crossed Over to the Old Side

Classes have started on our campus and I find myself overwhelmed with the urge to tell the young women strutting around in tube tops and hot pants to go home and put on some clothes. Nice, Old Lady DeFazio. Don’t forget to pick up some Geritol on the way home from work.

In reality I’m probably just bitter that when I was at an age where one could pull off this particular look I was far too self-conscious to even entertain the idea. Now that ship has sailed and I’m annoyed that I somehow wasted my teens and early twenties wearing five layers of clothing and hiking boots. Comfortable? Sure. Cute? No, not even a little bit.

The whole Catholic-school-dress-code and college-in-Tacoma (land of polar fleece and Gortex) had an impact on my fashion choices. Still, I wish Present Me could go back in time and tell Past Me not to be such an uptight bitch.

A Case of the Mondays

Things That Have Made Me Smile Today:

-Coffee Guy telling me he likes my orange top and “You know you looked in the mirror today and thought ‘I look good!'”

-The picture of Evan in a wet suit I tacked up on my office wall

-Sour Patch Kids

-Having this: http://renz-o.blogspot.com/ sent to me

Things That Have Made Me Homicidal Today:

-Those darn kids walking and text messaging at the same time

-First day of school traffic

-Tummy ache after too many Sour Patch Kids

-Seriously, guys, look where you are walking. You can text “OMG LOL” when you reach your destination. Walk into me again and I will cut you.

Kim + Justin Forever 2: Electric Boogaloo

Yes, I have been criminally behind in my reports from the Portland Wedding Reception Extravaganza in honor of Kim and Justin. It was awesome. We reverted back to 1996 only with less Boone’s Farm and more discussions of the housing market. That makes no sense but roll with it, OK?

The weekend started off with me spanking Jen in the airport… and then it just got awesome.

Smooches from the Bride to the Groom

Lynn and Fritz threw an amazing party and it was great to meet Justin’s lovely family, too. Thanks for showing us ain’t no party like a P-town party!

Girl Chris and Boy Chris flank Fritz, father of the bride. We LOVE Kim’s family. I was greeted with, “It’s THE Girl Chris!” and a huge hug. Then Fritz asked me to help him take care of some chardonnay. Who am I to refuse such a request? He was thrilled to be photographed with the Chrises.

After the reception we headed over to Kim and Justin’s sweet new townhouse. It’s awesome and perfect for entertaining. Around this time Boy and Girl decided shots were in order. God bless the Kimmer: she had some tequila on hand. The Sigma Chi shot glasses added an extra touch of class.

Grabbing a drink before dinner at McMenamin’s. Kim’s adorable friend Jean, Beautiful Bride Kimberly, and Girl Chris. Chug those beers ladies! Our table is ready down the street…

We were carded at dinner, which always warms my heart. Boy felt the need to sass the waitress so she skipped his drink order. Oh, snap! Then we headed out to a new bar, because God forbid we sit still.

Dude, you’re stuck with her now. Kim is possibly the cutest drunk ever.

This place offered party bowls, which just leads to trouble. If someone ever suggests a drink called an “Adios Motherfucker” just say “no.” Don’t think about it: JUST SAY “NO” and then switch to water. Don’t agree to a race to see who can drink which bowl the fastest, and if people call you a “pussy” just take it. Don’t be a hero. Nothing the color of Windex should be consumed by humans. But it is tasty.

The drink in question in front of Katie and Boy Chris.

Jen amused and semi-horrified by the drunken antics taking place around her. Jen has a Magellan-like sense of direction and got us all over Portland with no issues. She was also a huge hit with the homeless teens who called out, “Hey Woman, what’s your name?” Her husband is a great guy and all, but always nice to know you have options.

What, you DIDN’T want a picture I took of myself down the front of my dress? Sorry. See kids, THIS is why we say “NO” to the party bowls.

I woke up Sunday hungover and covered in bruises. And I felt like I had whiplash, too, which was weird. I also found a note in my purse that read, “YOU ARE BEEFY” and was in Boy Chris’ handwriting. No idea what that meant.

As the token Single Person I entertained/scared my friends with stories of my life and gamely participated in a Q&A session about What Went Down and The World of Dating Now.

Portland is now on the short list of places where I might end up at some point. Great friends, clean, affordable…even my hair looked better when I was there. Portland, you really may be the land of milk and honey!

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

Hey Interweb. Did you miss me, Baby? I missed you too. Thanks for being patient while I played nurse/nanny for the Dad set of family in Pacifica. Pop is on the mend, Evan is the best kid ever and Judy’s patience and stamina in the face of chaos continues to astound and humble me.

Not much to report on my end other than health scares are…well, fucking scary. And this one wasn’t even that bad and the patient is home and recuperating. Still, on the drive back to Chico I had a lot of time to freak out and get all into my own head about how much my family means to me and how I hate that being with one side means being away from the other side…blah blah. Quit bitching, CKD. Everyone’s fine, you’re fine and there are people in the world with real problems. Still a little concerned and agitated that there is not a definite diagnosis to the problem. I’m pretty sure I could walk in there with my English degree and having watched four episodes of ER and be able to come up with SOMETHING.

The highlight reel from my long weekend in the Bay:

-Evan telling me “I fine. Let go!” when I helped him onto the monkey bars at the park.
-Evan telling Dad that I took a different way to San Bruno. What the hell 2 year old knows which backroads to take to a park in a different city?
-Evan asking to play with my make up and wearing my silver sandals around the house. We love baby trannies!
-OK, pretty much anything and everything Evan did this weekend was awesome. If you want to be bored on an individual basis, please call and let me know and I will give you the full rundown of everything he said and did.
-Driving Dad’s new van and almost killing us by flying out of the driveway and then slamming on the brakes, nearly sending Dad through the windshield. In my defense, I am not accustomed to modified vehicles. Plus, I am a terrible driver.
-Judy offering me hot chocolate as I curled up on the couch to watch the Olympics.

I am wiped, kids. Tomorrow it’s back to work and rockin’ in the free world. Woo!

Happy Birthday Elisabeth! aka "I like cheesy beans!"

(From Left to Right) Elisabeth, Christen, and Mary, 1st grade. (I have no idea what Mary is up to these days, but she was a nice girl.) We wore this exact outfit every day for 8 years. Should explain my aversion to plaid and polyester… and why I don’t think the “schoolgirl fantasy” is hot.

Well, look who’s 30! My BFF and partner in crime for 24 years: Elisabeth (aka Lili, Biff and several other names that we shall not mention here). I love this girl like a fat kid loves cake and I am so glad that distance and time and all of the craziness of life has brought us closer together over the years.

There are so many memories associated with this fine woman, but on the advice of counsel I will refrain from sharing some of them here. We don’t need to add “co-defendants” to the list.

Elisabeth and I met in the first grade at St. Joseph’s Elementary School and she knew a lot of the kids in our class from kindergarten, but she was nice and I think she tried to show me how to do flips on the monkey bars. Clumsy Christen stuck with the swings, thanks.

Elisabeth is an excellent driver…and she should be considering she’s been driving cars since she was 12. She coerced a very innocent moi into being her co-pilot/look-out while we took the nanny’s car for joyrides in Woodside. The two girls wearing the plaid uniforms and driving around in the hoopty on Stockbridge? Yeah, that was us.

Elisabeth is an excellent dancer (and kind of starting to sound like Rain Man here). We honed our booty-shakin’ skills in her room, playing the same Janet Jackson and Dee-Lite tapes over and over again. Our Contempo Casuals outfits (with matching scrunchies, natch) gave these white girls from suburbia little extra somethin’ I think.

Elisabeth took me on a whirlwind adventure in New York City and introduced me to one of the great loves of my life: Anthropologie. (I would reject her attempts to set me up with one of the great loves of her life: the gin and tonic.) We drank, ate, shopped, and danced our way through Manhattan during the summer of 2000 and it remains one of my favorite vacations.

Elisabeth called me from France on my birthday to make sure the scarf she sent arrived in time. It did, and it’s fabulous and I still wear it, bitches. Same goes for the pink clutch she got me a few years later.

Elisabeth encourages me to blatantly – perhaps inappropriately? – hit on her family friends. I’m pretty sure this is for her own amusement, but who doesn’t love a good train wreck? Call me boys. Mama’s back on the West Coast.

Elisabeth bravely asked me to be her maid of honor when she married Nick two years ago this week (Happy Anniversary, Kids!), knowing this would mean I would get up in public and talk about her. In front of her Nana and Papa. With a glass of alcohol in my hand. She still talks to me regularly so I guess we’re cool.

Elisabeth is just flat-out brilliant. Ace Latin in junior high? Sure! Double major from Bryn Mawr? No problem! Acupuncture and Chinese medicine? Yeah, she’ll just finish up that program while getting ready to give birth to her firstborn, the beautiful Juno Constance. But the thing is, she doesn’t talk about this stuff or mention it or act like it’s extraordinary. See why it’s hard to hate her?

Sweet Girl, I could go on and on and tell lots of stories. Aside from the adventures in grand theft auto I kept them pretty tame here on the off chance your family stumbles upon this. I hope your day brings much joy and happiness as you have a new member of the family to join the party. The next year is going to be great and I look forward to more adventures, bottles of wine and shopping. My God, the shopping… Bisous!

Happy Birthday Michelle! aka "We can party at your place, right?"

My friend Michelle had what all college freshman covet: her own place off-campus. We met during Orientation, but didn’t see each other for awhile after that. While hanging with Boy Chris, Jared and Todd (God, what happened to that guy?), I kept hearing about this really cool girl named Michelle and we were finally re-introduced and started hanging out more. This was an excellent development in my life.

Michelle is an excellent cook and often hosted Thursday night dinner/Friends/Seinfeld/ER nights at her home.

Michelle will give you a ride to or from the airport – even really early in the morning – and will be really nice and chipper the entire time.

Michelle routinely allowed us to trash the aforementioned off-campus house and took good care of us whenever we got sick. And boy did we!

Michelle has an amazing tolerance for alcohol for being such a tiny person.

Michelle will listen to your latest dating drama but won’t say stupid crap like, “There’s someone out there for you!” and other lame cliches. Her husband also gets some credit here for offering to beat up for New Year’s date after he acts like a total jerk.

Michelle doesn’t like it when you mention that she kind of looks like “MIchelle the band camp geek from American Pie” but thinks it’s funny when you say her husband Cameron looks like Stifler.

Michelle takes parenting seriously, but not, like, annoying seriously. Her son Hayden is a good kid.

One of my resolutions over the next year is to visit friends and reconnect with the people in my life who I haven’t seen in awhile. Michelle, you’re on that list. Prepare to get all 1997 up in here!