After the shit-fit I threw over things of zero significance, it was abundantly clear that I needed – nay, deserved – our little getaway to drink wine and eat good food and drink more wine with a cheese chaser. And let me tell you: I feel much better now. Pretty sure Ed also feels better now that his wife is no longer a tightly wound ball of fire-breathing stress but you’d have to ask him.
(I’m also not sure what it says about me that while we were enjoying lunch at a winery a man sat down at our table and within seconds I realized it was an old friend I hadn’t seen in probably close to 10 years and I practically jumped into his lap and shrieked like Lucille Bluth when she recognizes Gene Parmesan and Ed just kept on eating like, “Eh, yeah, my wife is hugging some dude in a bar. Whatevs.” Or maybe I do know what that says about me and just don’t give a shit.)
I know it sounds like life is so awful that I need to escape our home and drown myself in booze in order to decompress or enjoy myself, but that’s honestly not the case. There’s just something about uninterrupted time and nowhere to be and good food and no nagging feeling of “I should do some laundry now” or “Maybe we should hit the grocery store.” Just some straight-up fun and shirking of responsibilities. We earned it, yo!
Also, we were not only asked if we have kids, but if we are planning to have kids no less than three times in two days so you’re goddamn right I’ll have another glass of wine thank you very much. I never really know how to answer that, you know? I usually end up sputtering something like, “Uh, sure, YES we’d like that very much!” like we were offered an extra complimentary dessert. And then I worry about conveying the appropriate level of enthusiasm, like if I’m too eager they’ll think I’m some baby-hungry lady from a Lifetime movie who snatches babies from hospitals, but if I’m not eager enough I won’t be a good mom and OH SWEET JESUS JUST PASS ME MORE WINE.
In totally unrelated news, today I talked to a guy who told me his last name is “Albert. You know, as in ‘Fat”” and now I think he may be my new best friend.