This morning I had blood drawn as part of some tests my new doctor ordered just to get a baseline on my health and make sure all systems are functioning. The orders on the labs for today called for an Ovarian Assessment Report, which makes it sound like we’re trying to figure out if they qualify for AP Calculus or something. I have been endlessly amused by this and sure hope they’re good enough to get into a state school.
To add insult to injury (the injury being the fact that I had a NEEDLE in my arm and got a lecture from the phlebotomist that I shouldn’t be afraid of my own blood which is NOT HELPFUL and also I’m 38 so let go of the hope that you’re going to change me, OK?) I couldn’t get the bandage off my arm and had to enlist a very nice coworker to rip it off so now the entire office heard me scream and then burst into hysterical, embarrassed laughter. It’s only Wednesday but I feel like I’ve really given it my all this week in terms of behaving like a toddler.
Is This Thing On? 
Of course you’re afraid of your own blood! It’s supposed to be inside you, not visible to the world. It’s only been in the last hundred years or so that seeing your blood didn’t indicate a rather important problem 🙂
Seriously! I also don’t like needles so they might as well have thrown me in a dark, cramped space too in order to complete the Major Phobia Trifecta. I felt bad because I wasn’t making eye contact or even polite conversation with this nice young woman, but I did tell her it’s because I was trying to focus on not passing out by doing my yoga breathing. She clearly thought I was nuts but whatever.
“I sure hope they’re good enough to get into a state school.” This made me giggle. (Also, I HATE blood. HATE. Wooze.)
While I’m not a fan, I can actually handle other people’s blood better than my own. I have slumped to the ground over my own cut finger but Ed practically maimed himself with electric hedge trimmers once and I was scared (it was hard to tell how much he had taken off) but calmly wrapped it and threw him in the car and hauled ass to the ER. Not logical, but whatever.